Mohawks and Dirty Diapers - A mother's daily struggle to stay cool

It's a New Beginning

2008-01-01T18:43:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR my dear friends.

It's a brand new year and it's gonna be good.

I promise.

Whatevere you do and wherever you are, always try to make the best of it.

Of anything.

A smile, a tear, a few words can change the life of the people around you.

Forever.

You Better Watch Out...

2007-12-25T23:06:00.000-05:00

...Santa is coming tonight!

Merry Christmas to all you fab mommies! May Santa bring you lots of happiness and joy...and why not...maybe a new pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes!!

Oh..Oh..Ohhh!

It's Only Getting Better By The Minute...

2007-12-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

...yes, in fact now my harmless cold seems to have turned into this feroucious bronchitis.

I can't stop coughing.

I sound like a trucker.

I feel like a trucker.

I nevere thought how unsexy it is the sound of your wife/trucker with her constant nagging, coughing and yes, let's be honest here...the occasional spitting too.

Poor hubby...you're such a trooper. I guess you remember now our wedding vows...SICKNESS...wealth..and all that stuff huh?

That's What I Get For Going Out Dancing....

2007-12-15T18:54:00.000-05:00

...a nasty nasty cold. At first I thought it was hangover, but when the feeling lasted a little longer then the usual 48 hours and my nose started dripping like a melting snowball (huh?), I knew that I was in for some fun.

And of course now everyone around me is sick.

We have been living off chicken noodle soup and nasal spray, but things haven't really improved, yet.

I figured I have until Monday morning, when hubby has to go back to work, to pull my shit together.

For now...I'm gonna enjoy a little longer my relationship with my bed/remote control/favorite book.

14 Months

2007-12-14T22:11:00.000-05:00

Today my little boy is 14 months old. Happy Birthday little man. And forget all the crap everybody is saying about not celebrating months anymore, but just years of your life.
Here, I shut it even louder..HAAAPPPYYYY BIRTHDAAAYYY!!

Thank you for being so wonderful and for surprising me every day with one of your amazing new trick, like kicking a soccer ball, undressing yourself or opening every single cabinet in the bathroom to smell mommy's parfumes.

I love you more every second, if that's even possible.

Love,
Mommy

Feel Like Dancing?

2007-12-13T22:54:00.000-05:00

So Tuesday night my husband and I went out dancing. To tell you the truth it was a very spare the moment type of thing and we just went with it. I booked a sitter for the night and off we went.
It was a record release party, at a club, a real club. One of my favorite clubs, to be exact. And we had a blast.
It felt so good to be out, dancing, talking to other people, drinking, talking a little more and drinking a little more.

See, that's what I love about New York City. It was only Tuesday night, but there were a ton of people out. And for a few hours I felt young and free again. The guilt of leaving our son at home with a stranger only hit a couple of times, but it was nothing that a good couple of tequila shots couldn't tame. It was good to feel intoxicated by the alcohol, cigarette smoke and incredibly loud music and I loved every minute of it.

Until Luca reminded me, at 6am, that I'm his and only his. Obviously not happy to be left at home with a stranger and knowing that we came back home at 2.30am, he decided to teach me a lesson. And a good one too!

(Now I know why we never go out anymore. It's too much work and it takes me 2 days to recover).

First Signs That You're Becoming Addicted To The Blogosphere:

2007-12-06T22:40:00.000-05:00

1) You search hysterically every single blog you can think of to see if there are any new posts
2) You don't even read, let alone understand the content of the post
3) You start mentioning your fellow blogger in your everyday conversations...like they're basically your best friends
4) You're starting to neglet your kid and his immediate need for food
5) Your ass hurts so much for spending too much time on the computer

So what I did was taking a couple of weeks off from the blogging madness, no posting, no reading, no writing any comments (sorry, my friends!) and see if I would survive.
The result of the experiment: I felt great for the first week. No headaches, no double vision and no backache (gee...it certainly sounds like a lot of work, when in reality all I do is just sittingon my ass, reading and biting my nails!).
By the second week I was bored to death and that's when I discover another dangerous tool: Ebay.

Now I need to detox from it before I end up totally broke or completely naked after I've sold everything in my closet.
Huh...Who would have thought I had such an addictive personality?

Result of the experiment: It is definitely much cheaper to read blogs and I'm gonna stick with it!

Gobble...Gobble...huh?

2007-11-22T00:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Yep...the Holiday Season is here...again. What the f....?! Wasn't it Christmas like a month ago? Where the heck did this year go?

Ohh...right, I forgot that when you have a baby time does fly. Even though you wake up every morning to the same shitty routine, like...change the diaper, clean the bottle, fill up the bottle, feed the bottle, clean the house, wash the dishes, cook and if you have any energy left, take a shower...you learn to love your shitty routine. Especially when is playtime and you get to impersonate 101 different animal sounds and rolling your dirty self on the floor with absolutely no shame whatsoever.

Don't you just love being a mommy?

Well...here's to all of you fab moms out there! Enjoy the holiday, stuff your face with as much turkey as you like...after all is mostly white meat and proteins are good for you. Have a drink on me...or maybe three, because I have another exciting week-end with the In-laws ahead of me in trendy Maryland...yuppyyyy!

(Please shoot me now and let me be your Thanksgiving turkey....pleeeaaase!)

Reality Check

2007-11-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

Well...I guess turning 35 was kind of a big deal and it hit me right in the head.

All sort of crazy stuff went through my head.

Who am I?

What the hell am I doing here?

Where am I going?

Do I need plastic surgery already?

Is it time to trade in my sexy underware for granny's pants?

My husband kind of answered to all my existential dilemmas:

Honey, you're my sweet little nutcase...but you're hot, so I'll have to deal with it. You're here to take care of your 2 boys, me being the youngest and the neediest. Hope you're going nowhere. I like to think that you're stuck with me for the rest of your life and I will probably die first so you'll be free then. Not so fast. Your body is perfect and if you just want bigger boobs, we'll just keep having kids and you can go crazy with your nana's underware. At least you'll have plenty of good reasons to wear it.

See...who knew that life could be so simple.

They Still Amaze Me...Every Single Time!

2007-11-06T23:51:00.000-05:00

I can never get enough of watching Jon & Kate plus 8. The show on the Discovery Health Channel.

These people have a set of twins and sextuplets. The twin girls are 6 years old and the sextuplets are 2 years old.

It makes me feel really bad...and stupid when I complain about Luca.

How the heck do you deal with 8 kids?

I will have to throw all my money into therapy.

And You Wonder Why I’m A Pumpkin?

2007-11-01T23:37:00.000-04:00

So today was my Birthday.

Yeah…yeah…no big fuss about it.

I stopped celebrating after I turned 30 anyway, and now at 35 forget it. It’s like there is this big black crow on my shoulder reminding me that I have officially entered the senile age…pretty much for everything!

It’s hard enough to run after your little one without having a heart attack and try to keep up with the latest fashion trends before hitting the “lady” section at the department store…noooo, you also have to hear the crap from your OB/GYN and her genuine interest on how many babies are we exactly planning to have.

You know, she just wants to let you know that you’re basically running out of time.

Great.

Just shoot me then and put me out of my misery.

I thought 35 is the new 25.

Yeah...total crap, I know.

Anyway, for all of you wondering why I’m a read head. This is what my mom used to tell me:

Me: “Mommy, Mommy…why do I have ginger hair?”

Mom: “Oh sweetie, you were born on Halloween night, precisely at 1.02 am on November 1st and Mommy that night, while she was waiting for you, ate a lot of pumpkin pie. You didn’t want to come out so the doctors went in and took you out and probably some of that pumpkin in my belly must have rubbed on you hair, giving you these beautiful strawberry locks”.

Me: “But Mommy, I want to be just like everybody else. And why do I have all these little dots on my face?”

Mommy: “Oh honey, those are just pumpkin seeds”.

This is my story.

Happy Birthday to me!

My Little Stinging Bee

2007-10-31T23:11:00.001-04:00

Who knew that one of the pleasures of having kids was Trick or Treating all day long, collecting all kinds of junk and then stuff your face with it? Yes, because when you realize that your baby is too little to eat chocolate...you can't possible waste it, can you?

Happy Halloween everyone!!
Boooooooo.........

Knitting Fever

2007-10-29T23:35:00.000-04:00

The reason why I have been slacking around here (and around the house) it’s because lately I started knitting. I always dreamt of making cute little baby sweaters and stuff, but never really had the time or the patience to actually start.

Then about a month ago I was cruising around the arts and craft section at the bookstore and came across a really cool book about knitting…and the rest is history.

Just the idea of me resembling an old lady, sitting all day long on a rocking chair knitting her lifelong sweater didn’t really appealed to me. Then once I started I was hooked.

It’s kind of a healthy version of crack cocaine…but at least it won’t kill ya! Once you begin a project all you can think of is to finish it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE to see what it looks like.

Now, as you all know, I’m a very impatience person so I have to see the results IMMEDIATELY. Yes, ask me how many fucking time I had to restart the same scarf because I either ripped a hole in it or missed 10 stitches for going too fast? Too many.

But it’s all good. It’s kind of a brain exercise. You know, the one where I learn to be PATIENT which I’m sure is one of those things that will come in handy in life…right?

Meanwhile, Luca is sporting all kind of cool staff thanks to Mommy new addiction. Today, for example, we were at the library and this cute gay couple came up to us and said: “Oohh my gaaad, he’s soo cute and definitely the best dressed baby I have seen in NYC!”

Luca looked at me with a quizzical expression of appreciation and maybe a little disgust too.

It's The End...

2007-10-24T23:51:00.000-04:00

...of whatever leftover freedom I had.
It all started very innocently about a month ago, when Luca started taking his first steps on his own. We all clapped and cheered on how proud we were and how adorable he looked.

Now, nothing can stop him. The kid literally runs. And me behind him of course.
It’s pretty hard for a lazy broad like me who usually fakes nausea or some other weird disease not to step into a gym, to run after a toddler 24/7.

I feel like I have to train for the marathon of a lifetime because I have the feeling that this will go on for quite a long time…right?

Yesterday my gym membership expired, but this morning, the good girl that I am, I went in and paid for another year. No, I did not use it, I just went in and paid. Hey…I can only take a few minutes at the time!

No matter how cute he looks when he runs around with his little hands up in the air and his new All Star Chuck shoes, he’s still a danger to society. Especially dogs and other kids because he likes to pull or hit the crap out of them and I definitely have to learn how to be faster to probably avoid a lawsuit.

Which means I REALLY have to hit the gym sometimes...or buy a new pair of tennis shoes!

The Daily Bite: Pollo alla Cacciatora

2007-10-21T23:36:00.000-04:00

(Chicken Cacciatora)

For the past couple of weeks I have been on a mission to find the tastier recipe for “Pollo alla Cacciatora” and after trying all the different variations my Grandma had patiently saved in her cookbook….I got it!

This is definitely my favorite and the sauce is unbelievably delicious just with the chicken or over pasta.

Here it goes:

Cut a big onion in a half and soak it in cold water for about half an hour. Pat it dry with a paper towel and sauté in a large pan with 2 Tbs of extra virgin olive oil and a little tsp of lard (this will give the meat and the sauce an amazing taste, but if you prefer you can just use the olive oil).
When the onion is cooked, about 5 minutes, put it aside.
Cut in pieces a 3 lbs chicken and braise it in the same pan with the leftover oil. Add the onion, salt and pepper to taste. Add half a cup of dry red wine (I personally prefer it with dry white wine, but both options are really good) and about 1 to 2 cups of tomato sauce. This is usually to your taste. If you would like to use the sauce for some pasta you can definitely add more tomato sauce.
Let it boil in the sauce for about 20 minutes to half an hour and serve hot.

This is one of the simplest recipes. Has a lot of taste and doesn’t need any spices. There was a note at the bottom of Grandma’s recipe: Questo non e’ un piatto per gli stomachi deboli (This is not suitable for delicate stomachs!)

Marian: This is for you, my dear. I hope you like it and enjoy the earthy flavor of it. Sorry I didn’t post a photo, I forgot to take one last time and I think if I cook again Chicken Cacciatora…my husband will divorce me. There is a limit for everything…yes, even for a man!

Toys recall is not enough…now even the cookies suck!

2007-10-17T23:16:00.000-04:00

Tonight, after stuffing my face with some delicious Chinese food my fortune cookie said: Your biggest dream will become true right now.

...I’m still waiting.

A Tribute To The First Year Of Your Life

2007-10-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday...my little angel. I can't believe that today you are 1 year old. First because it went too fast and second because I feel 100 years older. I think it's because of all the beauty sleep I missed and all the wrinkles I have to show for...but I tell you what...it was all worth it!
Here are some photos of you from the past 12 months, starting from the the first minute of your life.

Love,
Mommy

I Don't Know How....

2007-10-13T23:33:00.000-04:00

...but we made it through the first year without killing the kid, yet. Last year at this time I was pushing my guts out and what turn out to be a beautiful healthy little monster.
Yes, It's been a year of exploring, discovering, learning and most of all of pure guessing on what motherhood is really like. It is without a hint of shame that I honestly admit how I bluffed my way through it.

It was fun, it was stressfull and many many times frustrating...but we made it, little monkey.

Do you think we can still be your parents a little longer?

The Silence Of The Lambs

2007-10-11T23:32:00.000-04:00

When I told my husband how many children I really want...he stopped talking to me.
For the past 24 hours he's been avoiding me and he's even scared to breathe next to me, in case that will get me pregnant.

Ahh boys, they always think their brain wears underwear!

Honey Start Cracking Up Some Barry White Please

2007-10-08T22:37:00.000-04:00

For the past week or so I have this incredible desire of having another baby. It’s something that I can’t really explain, like a sudden urge that takes up your all body and mind and won’t let go.

It started with just the idea of what life would be with another little boy or girl. Then it became kind of a curiosity to see how Luca would react with a sibling. Would he be jealous, caring and loving towards a little sister or just a little selfish animal with a younger brother?

Then the idea became a possibility. Hmm…what IF we actually had another baby?!

Now, it’s a fucking obsession to the point that I found myself staring at preggo women and newborns on the street with that kind of I ENVY YOU, I WANT YOUR LITTLE BABY type of look. And, as you can imagine, doesn’t look so good and it REALLY scares people away.

So I thought…hold on a minute, all I need is a touch of reality to make me realize that this is just another crazy idea of mine and who’s better then my dear husband to smack me in the head with it?

At the word “pregnant” alone the poor bastard started to tremble and I could see replaying in his mind the few, very few times we had sex in the past couple of months and trying to figure out how the heck he could have done it again.
When he was 98.9% sure that that wasn’t his doing, he took a long breath and said: “What?”

Then he started mumbling that maybe it is too soon, the apartment is too small, is money going to be enough?...and blah, blah, blah.

And guess what? After all his mumbling and bitching around now I REALLY want a baby.

I told him that this month after my period, we’re gonna start trying, so that by July we’ll have a little one. That’s it. End of the story. Is this or else. (I actually threaten to find sperm somewhere else, as long as he didn’t mind raising someone else’s kid).

He’s answer after all this: “Talking about performance anxiety huh?”

Tell me what do you think. Am I rushing into it? Is it going to be absolutely crazy around here with 2 kids under 2? Keep in mind though that I always wanted to have kids very close in age, so that they can go through life together. I was an only child and hated it. My husband was an only child and loved it. Who’s right?

This Is When My Mom Felt Bad And Lended Me Her Camera...

2007-10-07T23:11:00.000-04:00

...for some more lovely pictures of Pesaro. (Yeah, she got all excited when I told her I was going to post them on my blog!)

A Little Corner of Paradise

2007-10-05T23:10:00.000-04:00

I know these pictures don't really pay justice to the beautiful little beach we have being spending time at while in Italy...but hey...all I had was my little crappy phone.

I thought about bringing my professional camera, but due to the size of it, it was either that or the kid.

You can't really tell, but the water is emerald green and we used to spend long hours of the day laying down on the rocks tanning and relaxing (I mean me laying down while Luca was too busy eating a pound of sand a day).

The air is breezy in the morning and thicker in the long afternoons. The smell of tanning lotion, sun and salt fills the air until sundown while the voices and the laughter from the promenade spread through the night.

When the lady selling warm doughnuts and fresh focaccia parks her little stand by the steps everybody runs to get a little piece heaven. And these long hot summer days, will be your lifelong childhood memories.

The name of the city is Pesaro and it's a cute little jewel on the Adriatic Coast.

So just you know...in the next few days I'm gonna play a little National Geographic on you and show you all the places we have visited in Italy that I love.

Yep...all on my camera phone!

What is your favorite place/city/town/village/hole and why? Show me a picture if you can or describe it as it appears to you when you think of it or when you close your eyes.

It Only Took Us 34 Hours From Door To Door

2007-10-02T23:27:00.000-04:00

Yes, that’s right. We left our apartment in NYC at 3.30 pm and arrived at my family’s house at 7.30 pm of the day after (plus the 6 hours time difference).

Not bad. Considering that Luca only slept 2 solid hours through the whole flight and mommy zero, that we missed our connecting flight in Paris so we were basically stuck at the airport for 4 hours doing absolutely nothing (have you ever tried to entertain a baby for 4 fucking hours? I think I know by heart now every single gates and flight company at Charles de Gaulle airport, how many seats there are per gates and how many toilets and food stands).

Air France was great, they took really good care of us and the flight attendants where very good at entertaining Luca, in fact he had a blast. The only thing that really pissed me off was when we missed our connecting flight, first because we were an hour late from NY and second because they didn’t really tell me when I booked my ticket that the connecting flight to Italy was leaving from a whole different terminal and we had to walk about 2 miles, go through passport and security checks all over again…yeah that’s a bummer! But overall we really had a pleasant experience. Thank you Air France…and thank you Marian!

Luca was a trouper. He really enjoyed flying and never, ever cried on the plane, not even for a second. He was amazed by all the people around him, the gadgets, the toys the noises and when he was tired he would take a cat nap. I had people passing him around and playing with him on the plane, kind of a free babysitting service, which was very handy especially when mommy needed to eat or go to the bathroom.

Then once we got to Italy we had a 3 hours train ride to get to the Adriatic Coast. Even that was great. He mostly snacked, slept and made new friend. At one point I even thought about shacking him and asking him what did he ever done with MY Luca. This was not my baby. It was too good to be true.

Well, I knew I had spoken too soon and I was soon reminded of this. The first night was just a….nightmare. We slept together in my big bed and maybe was the unfamiliar place and fact that by then he was definitely overtired and over stimulated…he fucking woke up every single hour on the dot.

But with a lot of patience and a zombie-like face, mommy managed to overcome also this little obstacle and started dreaming about the peaceful weeks we had ahead of us.

(To be continued…)

DCP: A little suggestion when traveling with a baby, don’t carry 2000 pounds of stuff in your carry-on bag. I realized that all he wanted was to look around and play with whatever he had in front of him….even the food tray on the plane was unbelievingly entertaining to him. I still have a mark on my shoulder for carrying that stupid bag.

Survivor – My Husband That Is

2007-10-01T23:52:00.000-04:00

Yeees! We made it…back! The trip to Italy was wonderful and we even ended up changing our return dates and bumped it up an extra week, leaving my poor husband all alone in his misery her in NY.

Luca was having a blast and the weather was just amazing…so it would have been really a shame to come back so soon. Plus the beach, the ocean the sun…these are all great things for Luca…right? (shhh…this is what I told my hubby over the phone when I announced that we were not coming back…hehehe).

I can’t wait to fill you in the details, but right now I’m a little bit sleepy. We landed about 30 hours ago and let me tell ya….JET-LAG IS A BITCH.

Give me a few days of sleep (yeah…I wish) and I’ll be back to shine.

Migrating To The Land Of Heavenly Food

2007-09-06T23:13:00.000-04:00

As you probably remember (or not) from the early days of this blog, I had started a food section called “The Daily Bite”.

It has been a while since I posted anything food related and the reason is that I’m in the process of starting my own food blog. One day. When Luca starts taking 5 hours daily naps so that I can actually sit down at my computer and design the website. Chances of this happening any soon: very slim.

Anyway, I’m writing to you all to let you know that Luca and I are leaving tomorrow for Italy. We are going to visit Grandma (the chef) on the Adriatic Coast for a couple of weeks, so that Luca can spend some more time on the beach while mommy is doing a full immersion work out behind the stoves.

I’m hoping to get all the nitty gritty about food and cooking from my wonderful mom, who has already thought me so much in all these years. We will take some culinary trips to take me back to my original roots and flavors…so hopefully I’ll be back with lots of pictures!

Sounds great ha? Yeah…if I can make it alive after surviving a long plain trip and a train ride with an infant on meth.

I called the pediatrician earlier this week and asked him if there is any drug on the market powerful enough to sedate my little junkie and he suggested Benadryl. I gave it a shot yesterday, hoping that Luca’s nap would turn into this blissful 4 hours of peace and quiet.

Nope. He woke up after 1 hour, so I guess there goes the Benadryl.

We just have to hope for the best.

Just keep an eye out for any CNN breaking news where you probably will see my mug shot after a I had fight with a flight attendant, got thrown off the plane and now sit miserably in jail.

Marian – I’m following all your traveling advices and I even booked my ticket with Air France. Please note: this was a big step for me, since I’m not a big fan of the French (well…I have to admit they have some good stuff too here and there).

Mommee – I won’t have daily access to a computer so I’m really looking forward to see all your beautiful photos when I get back.

Chiara – Sorry I didn’t e-mail you back. I think I started packing about 2 weeks ago like a maniac worried to forget something, in case I’m going to a third world country or something.

Enjoy the rest of the summer…and talk to you soon!

Arrivederci!

I Wonder Why Everything Changes…

2007-09-06T00:09:00.000-04:00

It’s absolutely amazing how your all perspective changes once you have a baby. I know this is the oldest cliché’ you’ve ever heard, but I swear, to me is still a fucking mystery.

I mean, in my pre-baby life, there was no way in hell I would’ve even pronounce the word “Jersey” (as in the state of New Jersey) without feeling repulsed and definitely erase your name for good from my buddy list.

By any standards, that’s always being the land of the borings and a little bit losers too. Or better, the “bridge and tunnel” people, as New Yorkers like to call them. These are usually natives of the afore mentioned state, individuals with no style or sense of fashion and often very loud who like to spend the weekend in Manhattan.

Once I got older and the raging hormones of motherhood left a tall on my physical and psychological being, I realized that maybe life in the fast lane is not for me anymore (I can’t believe I just said that!). A few years back it was fun to live in a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan, go out 3 to 4 times a week without caring about your massive hangovers just because you had to check out that new cool club or restaurant. I used to swear that nothing would have changed that!

Yes…that desire inside that keeps you young. The energy you have...when you DON'T have kids.

Now, it’s all a different story. I’m a wreck by the end of the day. I can barely stay up past Midnight and my best friends are a good book and a cozy duvet. I love the city, but sometimes, actually everyday, I dream of having a bigger house with a big backyard where Luca can play and run around, instead of being like a little mouse trapped in a shoebox.

My husband always makes fun of me, because he thinks I will never be able to leave the city and be a suburban soccer mom. Also with the skyrocketing prices of real estate here in New York, the only house we will be able to afford will be in Buttfuck America.
Meaning somewhere really really faraway where they’ve never heard of New York City.

Do you think I can blame the hormones for all this?

Tell me your story. Have you ever lived in a big city? Do you live in a house or apartment? Is Buttfuck America really worth it for the sanity of your kids?

DCP: If you really have to move to the burbs (read: New Jersey) it would be great to do it Tony Sopranos style. Now that’s a house I wouldn’t mind to live in...yes, (pulling the words out of my mouth) even in NJ.

Beach Bum

2007-09-04T23:32:00.000-04:00

Here are some memories from my first trip to the beach:

(Yeahhyyy! We finally made it to the beach, man! Ohhh...this is really cool. Too bad I kinda have a beer belly though...)

(I'm gonna get you...little birdie...)

(Oh great, now she's gonna throw me in the water! Thank God I took some swimming lessons with my Daddy...so I'm basically a pro. Bring it on lady!)

(Just chilling with my Mommy. Building some sand castles and stuff... Man, I can really get used to this lifestyle! Just give me a surfboard and I'll show you who's the maaan!)

The Volcano Has Finally Died

2007-09-01T23:18:00.000-04:00

Well...for all of you out there who may be interested in Luca's progress in the pooping department, I'm happy to announce that everything seems to be back to normal.

I apologize to our super who, I'm sure in the past few days has probably lifted (and smelled!) a great deal of garbage bags filled with diapered poop.

I apologize to all the garbage men for not telling them that no, we have not adopted a horse or some other kind of wild animal with a chronic bowel disfunction.

With that said...tomorrow we are off to the beach, where hopefully the contact with water won't cause another volcanic eruption!

Have a great Labor Day weekend everybody!

Mama's Healthy Way

2007-08-29T23:23:00.000-04:00

For the past few days I had the pleasure of witnessing (and cleaning up, unfortunately!) the biggest variety of poop, or better diarrhea ever existed.

Luca had a rough few days dealing with the evil colorful stuff coming out of his butt (yes, I thought I'd share every detail with you guys!) and I was honestly shocked to learn how many fucking shades of poop do exist. Really.

I have the feeling though that I had something to do with it…just a tiny tiny bit, and I tell you why. I absolutely LOVE soy milk, especially the vanilla flavored one and last week, in a moment of weakness, I gave Luca a little sip. He loved it so much that he gulped down a few more sips. Last thing I know he drank almost a whole cup!

Well…nothing wrong with it, I thought. What a good healthy little boy mama is growing here…look at him, he loves soy milk! So, while I’m all proud and happy about my little man, I’m thinking….hum…what about allergies? Noooooo, it can’t be! Soy it’s so good for you, right?

Right. But not if you are 10 months old and you’re intestine and digestive system is still the size of a peanut! So exactly 2 hours later a shit load of nasty stuff came flying out of his little butt.

Ever since that day his butt cheeks are fiery red and he screams every time I try to change his diaper. I do to. Mostly because changing his diaper now entails a mini-bath every time, to avoid irritating his skin with wipes and incorporating a 2 minutes cool air blow dry of his lower body. Sounds like fun, huh?

Well, all I can tell you is that next time I feel like sparing the moment and introducing another “fun food” to my little one…I will think about it veeeeery carefully.

Please note: I apologize for neglecting this blog in the past few days due to the obscene amount of poop-cleaning our lives were caught up with. We will keep you adjourned on the conditions and disasters caused by active baby volcano Luca. Goodnight and good luck!

Words Of Wisdom

2007-08-24T23:25:00.000-04:00

Hey Daddy...enough porns for today!
I want to watch some sports now.

Little Magic Fingers

2007-08-22T17:11:00.000-04:00

I have been putting it off for quite a while now, but I think it’s time to baby proof our apartment.

The little monkey is now crawling to perfection and has mastered the ability of sticking his little tiny fingers virtually everywhere. He has also developed a fascination in licking…yes, licking the electrical outlets (maybe they taste like strawberry and I don’t even know about it?) and shaking all those colorful bottles of cleaning products under the kitchen sink.

He’s also very good at making things disappear.

The other day I caught him in the bathroom, playing next to the toilet bowl with one of my hairbrushes. The moment he saw me, he just dropped it in the toilet and gave me one of those cute million dollar smiles and started digging back in the bowl in an attempt to save it.

Maybe that was a sign…you’d think?

Unfortunately I have never been a big fan of those ugly and bulky plastic ordeals that usually decorate every house with a living kid in it. Mostly because I know I will curse every time I have to open a cabinet, unlock the toilet seat or just plug in the blow dryer.

I am a pretty clumsy person by nature and I have the feeling that I will be a prisoner in my own apartment. Waiting for my husband to come home so that I can finally pee or feed myself…only because I didn’t know how to unlock the lock.

Ahh, the joy of independency and...motherhood, of course!

Daily Cool Pill: Uhhm…I wonder if Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn will soon start making baby proofing accessories!

A Taste Of The Old Days…(Part 2)

2007-08-20T16:09:00.000-04:00

There are only a few words to describe our Saturday night out: fun, liberating and incredibly painful.

It was definitely fun to finally have an adult conversation, while getting intoxicated with high doses of alcohol and realizing a bit too late that there is no need to reply with a: “Aaaawwwww, how cute!” every time somebody says anything.
(We definitely need more practice in the conversation department, so we agreed on the fact that we need to go out more often. Waaaaay more often.)

I felt so free and happy to actually be outside at night. And this time I wasn’t pushing a stroller with a screaming baby in it, praying that he will soon fall asleep before I did.
I was so excited that if somebody had passed around a tray of Jello shots, I would have done ‘em all.
(Trust me, you become shameless).

The only downside of the whole story …hangover is a beeatch! We came back home around 2 am, paid the babysitter and passed out on the bed completely dressed. (I’m not kidding).

Spent all day Sunday picking up the pieces.

Was it fun? Yes, definitely.

Was it worth it? Yes, if you want to keep your sanity. Hangover and all!

DCP: Note to self - Please remember to eat some kind of dinner before you decide to drink your brains out. Just a few appetizers shared between friends and 100 gallons of liquor…just won’t do it, girl!

A Taste Of The Old Days…(Part 1)

2007-08-17T23:34:00.000-04:00

So tomorrow for the first time since Luca was born, we finally hired a babysitter and we are taking the night off.

We had a few moments of freedom in the past, but only when some of our friends felt bad for us and kicked our old asses out of the house and begged us to have some fun.

Oh, sweet smell of freedom! I can already taste it in my mouth…getting ready to go out, going crazy trying to find something to wear and ending up drunk on some fruity cocktail I will never remember the name of.

Yeah…everything sounds great. But will I be able to just chill and enjoy a night out without thinking of…(a crazy monster lady taking care of my little sweet boy, feeding him food off the floor and letting him cry alone in a corner, not giving him a little kiss goodnight, not rocking him long enough, trying on all my stuff, going through my drawers, calling Spain, Trinidad, Costa Rica and back again?)…

Oh boy, I really need a night out.

(To Be Continued…)

DCP: Reeelaaax! Babysitters are a wonderful thing and not just some evil people trying to kill your baby. And if they do, they certainly didn’t mean it.

My Dear Little Peanut,

2007-08-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

You are 10 months old today...already. If this can even be possible...I love you more every minute of every hour of each and every day of your life and with every breath I take.

Your loving Mommy..

Just What The Doctor Ordered

2007-08-13T00:29:00.000-04:00

Shrinks are expensive.

Even if you have health insurance, there is no way around it and they will suck you dry.

I never thought I needed one, but living in New York City and being surrounded by all kinds of people, it’s inevitable that at one point you will encounter a good Samaritan who will kindly suggest you go see one.

Not because you need one, but just because it’s good for you. New York City is a very stressful place. You are always competing for the best job, the best husband, the best lifestyle, beautiful kids, always be thin, buy a house, buy a beach house, take tennis lessons, become a golf pro, go bankrupt and then eventually die.

So, throughout this very painful process, you better find yourself a shrink. And a good one too.

That’s why a couple of years ago, after a visit to my family doctor to request a cocktail of sleeping pills to finally put my ass to sleep and confess that most of the time food was like my security blanket, she suggested I go see a shrink. Just for my sanity.

I didn’t really think much of it in the beginning, since almost everyone I know here in the city has a shrink. I actually thought it would be cool to tell somebody whatever shit is going through your mind without being judged. Even Tony Soprano had one.

The only problem was that I actually got bored out of my mind. I mean, this lady was the best sleeping pill I’ve ever had. She was like this big 300 pounds blob of fat, slouched on a big leather chair, constantly chewing on a pencil. I used to get so depressed just looking at her.

So after about 8 sessions (see, at least I tried, right?) and $500 robbed from my wallet (that’s exactly what it felt like!), I called it a quit and decided that the best therapy for me is shopping, chocolate and sex. If you also wanna throw in the mix some good food, a little traveling and some cool jewelry, you got yourself a happy camper.

Daily Cool Pill: Nowadays the best therapy is blogging. After all, you only have a bunch of strangers reading your crazy shit and you might get some good advice here and there. Just let it out and use a corner of the Internet to express your thoughts and frustration about life, parenting, marriage or whatever goes through your mind. You never know…maybe you’ll find some other nutcase out there to keep you company!

One Of My Favorite Picture In The Whole Wide World!

2007-08-09T23:14:00.000-04:00

Luca's First Christmas!
This picture was taken on December 25th, 2006 and Luca was 2 months and 11 days...to be exact!

I love looking at old photos of him and of course I weep everytime. He's growing sooo fast and I wish I could capture every single moment of these very first years.

I think I win the Million Dollar prize for the dorkiest, most boring post ever...but HEY, GET OFF ME...my period is coming and I'm a basket case, so BACK OFF!

Slow Down Please, You Little Brain Of Mine

2007-08-07T21:18:00.000-04:00

I always heard other women commenting that after you give birth you become a full tank of ideas and inspirations. Not quite sure if this is also due to the crazy raging hormones driving you bananas or just a series of eureka moments.

All I know is that my poor little brain has never been so restless before.

I literally want to become anything and anybody.

For a few months I really wanted to become a fashion designer. Children clothing, to be exact.

All I could think of was these cute little clothes hanging all over my apartment and me happily sewing away, faster then a Chinese lady at a sweatshop.
Needless to say that even though I absolutely love fashion, I have no clue on how to use a sewing machine.

So of course, with the support of my loving husband off I go to buy a sewing machine and start taking sewing classes.

The whole thing lasted about 8 weeks…and at the end of it, I realized that I’m not really a “detailed oriented” person…and…(who knew?) you really have to be patient in order to sew a decent frock?

Then I wanted to be a nurse.

I love taking care of people, especially kids and I would do anything in my power to keep them healthy and happy.

Nothing wrong with it…you may think!

Minor detail: I faint at the sight of a drop of blood. Hmmm…now, that’s challenging!
Just imagine me trying to stick a needle in some poor innocent being...and faint at the same time (and of course I will end up poking myself to death with the same needle!).

Two months later I wanted to be a lawyer…I mean COME ON!

Is this happening to you as well, mommies out there? Please let me know…I just wanna make sure I’m ok and I won’t end up in a psych ward with no cable TV and hopefully a pair of shoelaces to hang myself!

DCP: Save yourself a bucket of cash and think twice before adventuring yourself in something you’re not really sure...like patternmaking, learning Swahili or becoming a personal trainer. They all sound very useful…but let’s be honest here: When on earth are you going to train somebody from Africa who doesn’t speak English, wearing a pair of sweatpants you designed?

I’m Officially A…Bummy!

2007-08-04T23:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my last day at work.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I quit my job to become a full time mommy…or better, a Bummy (mix between a bum and a mommy!).

I’m happy to be able to spend more time with Luca, but at the same time terrified that I will have a nervous breakdown!

See…until now, my part-time job took about 30 hours a week away from him and in a way it’s always been my “escape” from baby land. It was my grown up time, with no crying, spitting or stinky diapers. No matter how stressful my day would be, I always tried to convince myself that this was my sanctuary.

And I needed it to keep my sanity.

Until I realized that I had enough of my job.

I was tired of babysitting celebrities, tired of their whining, criticism and constant need for something. I already have a baby at home! (hmm...actually three, if you count the husband and the dog).

So here I am.

Starting my new life as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom…sorry I had to spell it out to see what it looks like).

Trying to think of all the possible games, play dates and tricks to entertain a 10 month old without freaking out and suddenly desire a career as a street cleaner.

I’m sure I will love every minute of it and hope is a very good thing!

Daily Cool Pill: There are always baby sitters though...right?

Clap, Clap, Clap…(Here goes another milestone!)

2007-07-30T22:51:00.000-04:00

Saturday afternoon we attended one of Luca’s little friend’s birthday party. Sofia (the little friend) was 1 year old and threw a lovely bash in Central Park.

This was the very first party (and I’m sure one of many) Luca ever attended and it was so cute to watch him play with other little ones.

He was the “baby” of the group since everybody else was very close in age to the birthday girl…but he definitely stood up for himself.

He watched them very carefully, trying to imitate every movement, including walking (and falling on his butt…of course!) and I was amazed when he started clapping away with a big smile on his face.

There he was…my little boy had conquered yet again another milestone and I was so proud of him.

He’s been clapping ever since...

Sweet Notes

2007-07-28T23:11:00.000-04:00

Today while we were sitting in the park, Luca handed me a little blue piece of paper. It was something he had found on the grass while playing and it was a folded note with a poem written on it.

I was very fascinated by it and started wondering about it. Maybe these were the words of a young teenager in love, or maybe those of a loving spouse. Or maybe those of a famous poet.

This is what it says:

If ever a truth or love be told,
If ever was cherished of growing old,
If ever was warmed whenever was cold,
If ever's forever then everything is you...

If pure could be written or shivers sang,
Or touch could be spoken or looks exhaled,
If tingles and tears could be given through this,
Then I'd give you all that in one sweet kiss...

If nothing was all,
If ever had been
If nothing need be but the place nothing's in,
If you were just you and I me,
We'd be as happy as any could be...

(Keep digging for little treasures, my sweet little boy!).

Spin City

2007-07-23T17:05:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite activities to do with my little one has always been walking.
I enjoy taking long strolls around the city with Luca happily observing the world around him (until he gets bored and starts screaming at the other pedestrians).

And boy, I love pushing that stroller! Sometimes I get so competitive (with myself) that I start speed walking around the city like a mad woman. I go uptown, downtown east or west…you name it and I want to go there. I just wish I had a little horn attached to the buggy to clear my way from all the clumsy New Yorkers.

Train? What train? If I just think about the hassle of going up and down the stairs with the stroller, waiting for it and having to deal with all the crazy people on it…no, thank you. I much rather walk.

Maybe the desire comes from the fact that this is really the only type of exercise I ever do and before I turn fifty and have the muscle tone of an anchovy, I better do something about it.

(Actually anchovies swim, so I’m pretty sure they need some muscles for that!)

Or maybe it has to do with the fact that my mom never had a driving license so she used to drag me around the city like a little donkey, until I actually started to enjoy it because of the gigantic ice-cream-reward-deal I used to get out of it.

My reward now is a protein bar...which probably has way more fat and calories then an ice cream anyway.

Oh, screw it!

Haagen-Dazs here I come!

DCP: If you want to keep it a little lighter and not constantly feel guilty for slurping down your usual pint of coffee-vanilla-Belgian-chocolate, try Pinkberry’s frozen yogurt. It is much lighter then a regular ice cream and they trick you down with the option of adding 3 fruit toppings of your choice…so you’re actually believing it’s good for you!
It’s really low calories though….just don’t eat a gallon a day (hmm…like I do!).

Little Man Talking

2007-07-22T22:55:00.000-04:00

Nine months and one week:

"Mamamamamamama" (Nope, even if he says it...he still doesn't mean it!).

"Dadadadadadadadad" (Yes, daddy...he still doesn't mean yours either, so don't flatter yourself!).

"Babababababababa" (A very primitive bye-bye, usually accompanied by a little waving hand).

"Pffft....pffft...pffft" (Little mouth farts that inevitably shower my face with drools!).

Oh boy, we've got a loooong way to go (...and I've got to remember to switch back into grown up voice when not addressing or talking to the baby!).

Daddy's boy

2007-07-19T23:00:00.000-04:00

"Don't know why I'm always stuck with these dry Cheerios -
Mom, pass me the bowl of chips and salsa...and a cold one please!"

Gated Community

2007-07-16T21:57:00.000-04:00

My ferocious research in the past few days for the perfect baby gate…has finally paid off. I searched the net like a mad woman, reading each and every review about every possible playpen and baby gate ever invented…until I found it!

Why?

Have you ever tried to entertain a nutty 9 month old for 32 hours a day? (Yes, the days are very long when you have kids).

Well, I tried and honestly there is only so much peek-a-booing, funny faces and rolling of the eyes a mother can take before cracking under pressure and start shopping around for a cute doggy gate…er…I mean playpen.

The moment I clicked “Buy now” on the Target website I started daydreaming about my lost freedom. What does it feel like to actually go to the bathroom without being reminded that you only have 5 seconds to do your business?

Or getting dressed without the constant fear of actually leaving the house in your pj’s…because, yes you do remember taking it off, but you really don’t remember putting it back on?

I can’t even tell you when UPS rang my doorbell to deliver the goodies. I was in heaven.

It was assembled in the blink of an eye and baby Luca was happily cruising around like a show dog.

Bliss.

I just hope I didn’t end up compromising the whole living room space for what looks like a mini amusement park and end up again with a bored kid. It’s only being 3 days since we had it and so far no complaints.

I know at one point I will probably have to crawl in there and play with him to keep him busy…but until that day I’m gonna enjoy adulthood a little longer.

DCP: If your husband complains about the fact that you're buying waaay to many toys to keep your little one busy…remind him that it’s just for your own sanity. Happy baby = Happy wife = Happy husband!

Mean People

2007-07-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

Today I was cruising around Old Navy, looking to buy some shorts for Luca and of course minding my own business…when I saw a cute little stripy dress. I immediately grabbed two different colors and went into the dressing room to try them on.

I couldn’t really see myself in the small mirror inside my cubicle and I didn’t really trust Luca’s funny facial expressions so I decided to use the big mirror outside.
While I was playing around with both dresses to see which color would suit me best…this heavy set lady came over to me and said:
“Oh, I saw that dress downstairs and I almost tried it on…it looks pretty on you!”…then she looked at my belly area, Luca and me again and said: “It’s not a maternity dress…is it?”

I almost ripped her eyes out and shouted: “Laaady, shut your big mouth. You are 350 pounds and I’m sure if I were you I would rather pretend I’m pregnant then just plain fat! And even if this dress WAS a maternity dress…what fucking difference does it make to you anyway?”

You know, I can totally take a comment like that from a tall skinny supermodel, because…yes, I still have those 5 pounds hanging over my shoulders and they just won’t go away. But from heeer?

(Sorry…today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed).

10 obvious signs that show you’re not really a grown up yet

2007-07-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

1) Every time you take a trip or visit a new city, you bounce up and down on your hotel bed with excitement.

2) You feel and shake presents before opening them.

3) Planning a party or a vacation throws you in a complete state of excitement that you can’t sleep at night.

4) Getting ready with a friend is as good as going out. Often even better.

5) You respond to your mom’s questions by rolling your eyes.

6) You are always thrilled by being able to order anything you want from a menu.

7) Sometimes your lunch consists of dry cereal.

8) You are still shopping for clothes at Forever 21.

9) You can't resist licking the cake bowl.

10) Disneyworld is the best fun you have ever had.

Well...cheer up..you're not alone!

iBaby

2007-07-08T16:51:00.000-04:00

The world has gone mad.

Yes, the world has gone mad about a phone. No doubts it is one of the greatest phones ever invented, I have to admit, being a HUGE Mac fan…but still.

It is one of the most talked about gadgets in the history of technology.

I remember the day I saw the TV commercial for the first time, I was like a little kid in a candy store. It looked like the coolest thing ever…and the music, the music was just so sweet. Everybody has being waiting for this little piece of perfection to finally come out and play. Well…it did, at a very sweet price too!

What amazes me the most is that even my son is totally in love with it (I guess even at the tender age of eight months he feels entitled to have one). Mostly with the TV commercial. You should see how is little face brightens up every time he hears that song. He could be wailing and kicking, but the moment that commercial is on he becomes the sweetest baby on the block, with a big smile on his face. He just stares at the TV screen in complete adoration. Sometimes I even rewind it and play it over and over (don’t’ you love DVR?).

I’m just waiting for the day he will open his mouth and say his first sentence and I will not be surprised if he says: “Mommy, I want an iPhone!”

After all, I want one too.

DCP: It is the perfect gadget for busy moms. The resolution is amazing and you can take so many beautiful pictures of you little ones. You just have to justify to yourself why are you spending $500/600 for a phone? For the price I was hooping it will come complete with a maid, a nanny and a personal chef!

Indipendence Day

2007-07-04T22:30:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Enjoy this very special day dedicated to America’s most famous barbeques, to spectacular fire works and street parades, but most of all to the best excuse to boozing up all afternoon with your family and friends.

Today nothing bothers you. You’ve got a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other. Shush the kids away or hand them over to total strangers who keep repeating how cute they are.

Show off your little 5” by 5” New York roof deck that can barely fit a grill, but hey, after all, you've got one and your guests can always take turns for a breath of fresh air..right?

Yes, enjoy this very special day dedicated to your country and it’s ok to feel a little patriotic…alcohol does play little tricks sometimes.

Remember: Do not operate heavy machinery under the influence. Yes, this does include a grill. And you will definitely know you had one too many when you start taking Bush’s side and feel sorry for Sanjaya because he didn’t make it to the final of American Idol.

Happy Birthday America!

Doggy Life

2007-07-03T00:41:00.000-04:00

Besides being the proud parents of a very energetic, a bit neurotic and definitely adorable baby boy, my husband and I also have a little daughter. Not exactly a human being, but more in the form of a canine being. Her name is Dolce and she is a 3 and half pound teacup Maltese dog.

We got her about 4 years ago when she was barely 2 months old and resembled the size of a grapefruit.

Needless to say that she has always been the indisputable Queen of the house…until of course King Luca made his appearance.

She used to be the center of the attention pretty much 24 hours a day and subconsciously our very primitive parenting test. We used to joke around that if we ever killed the little dog…we would never even consider a baby.

So you can just imagine her disappointment when all of a sudden this little screaming sack of potatoes named Luca, took over the whole apartment.

She went from being the Queen Bee to Second Class Citizen.

From sleeping 21 hours a day, to barely taking a full nap without being pulled 25 times by the ears or tail.

Of course Luca has an admiration for this little white furry thing. Who wouldn’t. He stares at her, laughs at her and wants to bite a piece of her on a daily basis.

So it was with a sight of relief that while we were away, Dolce spent the last few days in a little doggy spa.

Yes. Go ahead, have a laugh. I would too. After all, we are the dummy ones stuck with the in-laws, while the bloody dog is having the time of her life. And she usually hates those places, giving me always the bad looks when I drop her off…like I’m actually abandoning her.

Not this time.

This time she was so happy to see the attendant that didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

When I picked her up today, she looked pampered, relaxed and without any dark circles under her eyes.

While of course I looked like a train wreck after spending an exhausting weekend on a 3 hours sleep per night because of a teething infant scared of a crappy hotel crib.

C’est la vie!

DCP: Dear husband, don’t even think that I spent the past weekend zombing around, loaded on caffeine and chocolate while trying to look pretty for your family for nothing.
I think I very well deserve a few hours of bliss…like, let’s say…(hint) a full body massage (minimum 180 minutes), a foot massage (at least 30 minutes) and a facial treatment. You can just drop off the gift certificate on my desk or place it under my pillow, if you prefer. Love ya!

All Aboard the Choo Choo Train

2007-06-29T11:50:00.000-04:00

Mohawks and Dirty Diapers is taking a couple of days off.

We are boarding the choo choo train to the faraway land of…Pennsylvania, to visit the in-laws.

So after carefully choosing every item necessary to feed, change and entertain the little monster and after packing enough crap to last me a month in the desert, I’m proud to announce that it only took me about 3 hours, from start to finish! Not bad…huh?!

Total of days away from home: 3.

Total bags: 3, plus diaper bag and stroller.

Total amount of bags for my husband and I: Half (no joke).

Total amount of outfits for Luca: 18 (in case vomiting or diarrhea strikes and we are left in the middle of nowhere. To which I’m not quite sure why we would need all these clothes anyway….but you know, better be safe).

Total amount of diapers: 35.

Total amount of toys: A whole bag (in case I will have to impersonate different cartoon characters, for the joy of all the other passengers).

I also, involuntarily grabbed Vogue, Bazaar and my journal, but then quickly realized that I was just kidding myself.

Like I would seriously have the time to read or write….ever again?

Well…let’s look at it this way folks: I have exactly 17 years, 3 months, 16 days, 1 hour, 29 minutes and…5 seconds until I get my freedom back.

Does that make me a bad mommy?

Unconditional Love

2007-06-27T21:43:00.000-04:00

Me: Ughh…my boobs are starting to sag, don’t you think?

Hubby: No babe, you’re crazy. You look beautiful.

Me: I can’t get rid of these last few pounds.

Hubby: No babe. You’re perfect.

Me: My tummy will never look the same. After the third kid I will definitely have some work done. Maybe a tummy-tuck and a little augmentation…of the twins, that is. So that you’ll have something to play with as you grow old, my love.

Hubby: No babe. You look beautiful the way you are. Who’s having three kids?

Me: Focus baby, focus. Boobs. Think boobs.

Hubby: Right.

(Me on trying to convince my husband to eventually have three kids. One day. Maybe.)

Fashion Forward

2007-06-26T23:13:00.000-04:00

Let’s forget for a minute that you have kids and you’re back to your pre-baby-pre-husband-pre-everyday-married-routine.

Back to the days when you really didn’t have to worry about the color choice of your outfit because nobody would have puked on you or smudged you with peanut butter and jelly. When all your worries were just about the length of you dress or the slutty-ness of your miniskirt. Ahh…those were the days!

Well, just when I thought that white was never to be found in my closet again, unless I decided to dust off my wedding dress and wear it for Halloween, here I see this pretty little number (see photo).

I mean, it’s not something you really would wear everyday to drop off the kids at school or grocery shopping, but it’s exactly what I would were if I was invited to one of my imaginary friend’s pool party.

Yes, one of those really cool summer parties you always hear about it, but you are never invited anymore because now you have a kid and therefore you resemble the plague.

DCP: You can always dress up for a fun afternoon of shopping and...food splattering with your little one. After all, there is nothing catchier then a sexy mama who takes care of herself...especially around the kids! (I just don’t know what a white dress would look like at the end of the day….sigh!).

The Daily Bite: Insalata Estiva

2007-06-24T23:26:00.000-04:00

(Summer Salad)

There were always a few dishes my mom used to make for us on a regular basis during the summer months in Italy and one of those was this really yummy salad. Often we used to spend long days at the beach, and I was always very excited to see what my mom had packed for lunch.

While some of my little friends could only rely on the same boring sandwich, I definitely had, most of the time, a pretty wide menu to choose from. There was always some sort of salad, a gourmet sandwich, often made with Focaccia bread (my favorite) and a little something sweet to end the meal.

This salad was frequently present on our “beach menu” for its simplicity and incredibly refreshing taste. It is rich of vitamin C and antioxidants and I love how the zesty vinaigrette brings all the flavors together.

It was also an easy way to make me eat beans, which, according to my mom, are really good for you!

Servings: 4

For the vinaigrette:

Juice of one lime
1 ½ tablespoon of extra-virgin olive oil
Hot pepper sauce to taste
A pinch of garlic salt

For the salad:

1 can (15 oz) of black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (8.75 oz) of corn kernels, drained
1 tomato, seeded and chopped
2 oz. of fresh mozzarella, cubed
¼ cup finely chopped red onion
2 tablespoon of fresh minced cilantro

In a little bowl whisk together all the vinaigrette ingredients and pour it on the salad. Cover with some plastic wrap to keep the flavors in and let it sit for at least 20 minutes.
Serve at room temperature.

For a lighter version you can skip the mozzarella.

Buon Appetito!

Out of Business

2007-06-23T00:15:00.000-04:00

I have to admit, I was a little bit shocked today when Luca, totally out of the blue, grabbed my left boob and tried to suck on it.
I mean, I wasn’t super surprised because after all I breastfed him until a couple of months ago, but it was just the way he did it and the look on his face that made me chuckle.

Let me just remind you that I had stopped breastfeeding him, not because I was tired of it (although my nose will probably grow a few feet if I swear to you that I’ve never dreamt of not having anybody sucking, licking and chewing on my tatas for a little while…just a little while), but only because Mr. - I’m too old to be still sucking on your booby - son Luca, decided that solid food was much more cool and tastier then the old cow’s juice.

Fine.

So it was with some kind of sinister pleasure and just a little bit of sadness that I had announced to the world that my shop was officially closed. That’s it. Finito. Out of business. The cow has retired.

I didn’t say: Please, come back later, Your Majesty, whenever you feel like it and we’ll whip up some fresh organic, pasteurized, certified grade A mama’s juice. Nope.
Sorry kid. You had it. You were the one and only little sucker who had access to his own private bar, ANYTIME you wanted and you let it go.

It was fun though to watch the disappointed look on his face. It also took him a couple of squeezes to finally realize that the little twins are now deflated, before he decided to move on to more important things, like the remote control.

Daily Cool Pill: If you are still breastfeeding, try to protect your precious tatas from any unnecessary pulling, tugging, chewing and any underage act of vandalism in general. You will be very thankful one day when you won't have to put on your bra one leg at the time!

Little Magic Bean

2007-06-21T23:31:00.000-04:00

So, after gulping down about 5 galloons of coffee and looking like an old car in need of some serious pimping, I finally feel semi-human again.

Coming from a country where coffee is definitely the official beverage, it’s with no surprise that I have to confess my lifelong adoration and of course, addiction to this wonderful bean. Especially after a night spent in admiration of the country of Mexico and their beloved Tequila.

I don’t think I know one single person in Italy who doesn’t drink coffee, in one way or the other. Some people prefer a strong and energetic espresso, while others prefer a milder version like cappuccino or latte.

Me, I can drink it all.

Especially after nine long months of pregnancy where I was only allowed one lousy daily cup of this wonderful poison and the rest just meaningless decaf, I could not wait to give birth and swim in a pool of delightful java.

Even though caffeine has a really bad rap, I am usually willing to ignore it, especially when it comes down to the fact that without it, I won’t even be able to get out of bed.
Let alone dealing with work, Luca, the nannies at the park and my obnoxious neighbors.

I’m always looking for that little energy buzz to get me through the day. It could be a nice and foamy latte or a blissful chocolate bar. Most likely anything with sugar will do it.

The only tiny bit problem is that my old body is now totally addicted to anything sweet. So on a really bad day I will have to chow down the equivalent amount of sugar you’ll find in a candy aisle at the supermarket.

I’m also starting to believe that I’m one of those lucky beeeatches who can “almost” eat anything and blame it on her fast metabolism. I say almost because I’m not 100% sure yet, but I know that with all the sugar I eat on a daily basis, Moby Dick would look like my skinny twin.

DCP: If you feel guilty about drinking too much coffee, Green Tea is the healthy alternative to a black cup of java. It’s full of antioxidants and other really good stuff. Doesn’t really taste as good as a cappuccino, but it will probably double your life expectancy!

Get Out of My Head

2007-06-19T21:35:00.000-04:00

Last night I went out with a bunch of colleagues. Got drunk. Really drunk. Today, feeling really wrong. My brain is not functioning properly and need to take little breaks here and there. Don’t really know what I was thinking, but I guess I wanted to feel young and stupid again and chuckled down shot after shot.

As a result, didn’t really feel young, just stupid. And I ended up hugging a very old friend of mine..the toilet bowl.

Today was rough and had the feeling that somebody was constantly banging on my head. Oh, yes…Luca.

I promise I will never drink again...ever.

Or at least until next time.

DCP: I'm in no position to suggest anything cool today. But I will gladly take any suggestion on how to cure hangovers, motion sickness, head spinning and feeling like crap in general.

Little Bits of Wisdom

2007-06-18T16:45:00.000-04:00

Women love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t even bother pointing it out.

Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the racks of clothes in the closet. You “just don’t understand”.

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty. That’s what we do.

Women need to feel that there are people worse off then they are. That’s why soap operas and Oprah-type shows are so successful.

Women think all beer is the same.

Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower.

Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with them about it.

All women are overweight by definition, don't agree with them about it.

Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what they're doing. It might be the lottery calling.

Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s section is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

A good place to meet a man is the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replay in sports. They have already forgotten what happened.

Male menopause is a lot more fun then female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – they get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

The Daily Bite: Daddy’s Favorite

2007-06-17T17:52:00.000-04:00

Yes, my dear old man…today is your first Father’s Day. If it didn’t hit you already that you have a son…well, today shall be the day you finally get a kick in the balls!

You will get your first Hallmark card with some cute (and super silly) daddy poem and Luca and I will cook your favorite dinner. No honey, no burgers, hot dogs or pizza.

Today you will use any little excuse to have a drink...and it’s ok, you deserve it.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

My husband loves my mussels recipe…so this is what he’s getting for dinner tonight. This is one of the best recipes you will ever taste, because of the crunchy bread, the overdose of garlic and the juiciness of the tomatoes. If you try it, I would love to hear your comments…so please drop me a line!

Zuppa di Cozze

Servings: 4

3 lbs. of mussels
12 oz. of ripe vine tomatoes
Splash of dry white wine
Baguette
Fresh parsley
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper

Wash the mussels under fresh water, clean them and pull away any pieces of protruding beard. In a medium pot, warm up 2 tablespoons of oil and let the mussels open up.
Start placing the open mussels in a large 3 inch deep serving plate.
Filter the cooking juices, add a little splash of dry white wine to taste and set aside.
Prepare the sauce by warming up 3 tablespoons of oil and 3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped. Cut the tomatoes in small pieces and add them to the oil and the garlic. When they become tender, add the mussels juice and a tablespoon of chopped parsley. Add salt and pepper (usually you need to add a generous amount of pepper, since it will give the sauce a wonderful flavor and it will taste great with the mussels) and pour the sauce over the mussels. Serve right away with some slices of toasted bread.

Toasted bread:

I like to prepare a nice bruschetta bread to enjoy with the mussels. I usually buy a whole baguette, slice it sideways so that the slices are a bit longer and thicker. Toast the bread in the oven for a few minutes and when it’s done rub it with some garlic and a few drops of olive oil. When the sauce from the mussels will soak into the bread you will taste an incredible combination of different flavors.
The best wine to pair with this dish is definitely a white, young and dry Pinot Grigio.

Buon Appetito!

Daily Classifieds

2007-06-15T22:14:00.000-04:00

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier
duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life if you play your cards right.

Please help me forget…

2007-06-14T23:22:00.000-04:00

Today my little man turned 8 months. His birthday present was a visit to the pediatrician for his bi-monthly check-up, a shot, a blood test and a-so-close-it-scared-the-crap-out-of-me-visit-to-the-ER.
Yes…you got it right…ER.

This is how it went:

Cool Mama: “La…la...la… off we go to the doc, Luca. I know honey it sucks that you have to get a shot on your birthday. Mommy tried to change the appointment, but there was nothing available for next week. Don’t worry, we will be so fast…you won’t even feel it!”.

Luca: “What are you talking about, you crazy lady. Of course I will feel it, I’m gonna have a needle in my leg…you wacko!”

Little we knew that included in the today’s visit there was also a blood test. I can still hear him screaming his lungs out, while the doc was poking his finger.
After a few minutes of hysterical wailing he finally calmed down and off we go, ready to make our way back home.

My husband and I were so busy calming Luca down that we didn’t really pay attention to the doc warning of keeping an eye on Luca’s band-aid. Yes, he had a little band-aid on the finger where the blood was drawn and I remember a little tickle in my ear…similar to the doc’s voice, telling us: “Keep the strip on for a little bit and make sure he doesn’t swallow it…swallow it…swallow it (this is the echo in my brain!)”. Well…you just go ahead and guess what happened?

Yep…we were strolling back home when all of a sudden I hear Luca coughing and gagging.... I knew he had swallowed the band-aid.
I started panicking. I mean, REALLY panicking. My little man needed help right away. So while my husband was frantically trying to get it out, I dialed 911.
I did my best to stay calm, but tears were coming down and for the first time I was really scared for his life.

The operator was asking way to many questions and I almost lost it…my baby was choking for God’s sake…help!
She wanted to know if he had foam around his mouth and if he was blue. I almost fainted when I saw a little foamed saliva coming out of his mouth…that was it. I felt like somebody was stabbing me in the chest over and over and over.

Then…the miracle happened. He started crying and I knew he was ok. My little hero was trying to tell me that I didn’t have to worry about him and that he would never leave me.
His beautiful face was drenched with tears, but he still managed to smile at me.

Unfortunately, I will never forget this day. I had failed to protect him and it’s the worst feeling in the whole world. I had failed as a mother and I fear he’ll never forgive me.

Later the pediatrician told me not to worry. That this happens all the time and that he will poop it out tomorrow. Still. I should have been more careful.

Please forgive me, my little angel and may God watch over you forever and ever.

Breakfast in bed…anyone?

2007-06-13T22:13:00.000-04:00

I don’t know why, but I always thought that having a baby entailed spending every night wide awake trying to console the little insomniac and being a total messy-sleep-deprived-nutcase during the day. While your little one is peacefully sleeping, of course.

During my last month of pregnancy, I tried to prepare myself, physically and mentally to waking up at the wee hours (ok…maybe not so much physically, but more mentally!)and pictured myself getting ready to take the baby out for a walk at 6 am.

The problem is that anybody who knows me or who has ever met me, would simply dying laughing at the thought of mee? Waking up at what time? To take who out? Yeah…that’s how much I LOVE to sleep.

Luckily, I have to admit, I never had to deal with this, since my little one is usually out cold by 9 pm and doesn’t wink until 12 hours later. When he finally wakes up, he has a little breakfast, plays around for another hour or so and then is out cold again for his morning nappy. So basically, we are never out of the house before 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

DON’T GET ME WRONG...I’m loving it (and sorry for the little brag), but I feel like sleep wise my life hasn’t changed, thank God! There are the occasional cries in the middle of the night when he’s having those famous “night terrors” (what are those anyway? Is he crying because he’s dreaming of a little monkey swinging on top of his head? Or is it a giant cat, scaring the bejesus out of him?) or when he pooped his pants…but that’s about it.

Alright, great...now I officially jinx it and I will spend the rest of my life living like a zombie, with chronic dark circles under my eyes and hooked on crack cocaine.

Well…at least I'll be skinny!

Daily Cool Pill: For the occasional dark circles, due to a long night out, where you had waaay too many drinks and you ended up at that place…what’s the name of that bar that you like so much? Er…ooohh…sorry, that was my previous life!
I was saying…for those occasional dark circles, due to the stress of motherhood, try the Yves Saint Laurent Radiant Touch Concealer. It’s very light on your skin, without the cakey texture of a heavy concealer and brightens up your skin at the same time. I love it!

Gotta love a good bargain...

2007-06-12T23:24:00.000-04:00

A man walks into a toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter’s birthday. So he asks the assistant: "How much is Barbie?"

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, you see ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture….and Ken's best friend!

Honey, hold the baby while I puke some more

2007-06-11T19:43:00.000-04:00

Today is not a good day. I feel really yucky…like, you know that bad-stomach-belly-pain-that-makes-you-believe-you-have-a-bug-or-the-flu-but-you-are-not-really-sure-so-you-blame-it-on-something-you-ate? Yes, that one!
No, no…calm down… I’m not pregnant. Unless, the invisible man took me in my sleep.
Naaaah, impossible!

Anyway…feeling really sluggish today and don’t have the energy to tell you all the good stuff I had in mind.
Gotta run to the bathroom…again. Yeah…I think you got the picture.

Sayonara!

The Daily Bite: Il Panino del Contadino

2007-06-10T13:34:00.000-04:00

(The Farmer’s Sandwich)

I decided to post this recipe after reading one of my favorite food blog called: Il Cavoletto di Bruxelles.

Due to my recent obsession with food blogs, I wanted to share with you this very simple and incredibly tasty panino recipe.
The sweet flavor of the mortadella combined with the saltiness of the ricotta salata and the tanginess of the peppers make for the ultimate gourmand’s experience.

So here it goes:

In a small cup marinade some roasted red and yellow peppers that you can buy already prepared in a can (I like to make my own...but that's another story, or better, another recipe!). Cut them in thin slices and let them marinade in a little bit of extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper (I usually prefer black pepper, but you can also add red pepper flakes for the extra kick!). Add about 1 quarter cup of balsamic vinegar and let it sit for half an hour.

Cut 2 slices of Tuscan bread (or sourdough, if you prefer). Place some mortadella on the bottom, top it with a couple of slices of ricotta salata (salted ricotta). This is usually firmer then the regular fresh ricotta and I usually prefer the soft type (aged 6 months) to the harder one (aged 9 months).

If you are in the mood for a fresher and lighter taste, mozzarella can be used as well, instead of the ricotta.

Spread the peppers on top of the ricotta adding some of the vinegar and oil mixture.
You can either warm up your “beautiful creation” on the panini press or you can simply toast the bread in advance.

Bon appetito, Sigrid!
…..e famme sape’ se tte’ piaciuto!

Goldilocks vs. Mr. T

2007-06-08T12:05:00.000-04:00

For quite a few weeks now, I have been contemplating the idea and suppressing the sudden desire of cutting my hair short.
I believe it has to do with the fact that summer is here or maybe because I can’t deal anymore with the pounding headaches due to Luca pulling on it…constantly.

The little dude is hooked on mama’s hair. So far right now it’s the best toy available on the market and he just won’t let it go. Somehow he always manages to get his little hands stuck on the most painful spots…like the nape of my neck or the temples (you know what I mean, those very sensitive areas that make your eyes fill with tears and your nose bleed).

The first thing that came to mind was obviously a Mohawk. Nothing crazy, rainbow colored or mullet-like.

Then, after the frightened look on my stylist’s face, I realized that short hair is not really for me and that I actually look like a mental patient ready to be locked up.
Now all I do, of course, is dream of little pixie haircuts, like the one Michelle Williams is sporting lately or really cool bleached blond bobs, a la Kate Bosworth.

My hair is really course, red and I have a lot of it. A few years ago, when I used to live in Japan (yeah…I used to be cool…remember?), I actually dared to dye my hair platinum blond. The result was catastrophic and, if that wasn’t enough, I decided to use a hair straightener on top of the bleach. Needless to say, my hair totally melted (in the real sense of the word!) and after begging and blathering (try to imagine me, talking Japanese in a broken English, with an Italian accent) in vain, my very talented Japanese hairdresser had no choice but to give me a sweet old Rod-Stewart-like-haircut. (I had a mullet…and you only wish I was joking!)

Yet, I must be a masochist, because that should’ve been enough to scar me for life and let my hair grow like a Rapunzel.
Unfortunately, knowing myself and being a very stubborn cookie, I will probably end up with a Mohawk. If that happens….you will be the first ones to know, share my pain and yes, admire my shameful photos!

DCP: Wigs, wigs, wigs! They exist for a reason…right??

Updates on previous post: Paris is back in jail, by the way.

Living la Vida Loca

2007-06-07T11:44:00.000-04:00

So, after only 5 days in jail, today Paris Hilton was set free. Oh…I’m sorry, yes…house arrest. Big fucking deal, anyway!

Uhh…I guess it must be really hard to be confined in your own home when you live in a mansion. Probably she will have to organize her next 40 days so that she doesn’t get bored spending too much time in the same room.

Yes, she will have to make some executive decisions, like taking a bubble bath or a swim in the indoor pool without the risk of being electrocuted (by the bracelet!). Or nibbling on some more liver pate’ while shopping on line with her little doggy Tinkerbell (it's scary how I even know the name of it!).

Yeah…I guess I should give the girl some credit, after all, she did last 5 whole days.

Road Tripping

2007-06-06T22:08:00.001-04:00

Since the day I became a “Legal Alien” of the United States of America, I always thought about getting my driver’s license. I know, I know… It sounds a bit retarded, but I used to have one, back in Italy which I obtained with a good dose of cheating and an old friend at the DMV. It really didn’t make a difference to me since Italians are well known to be really bad drivers anyway. Then I moved to London and I didn’t even dare to drive on the other side of the road, (it was hard enough trying not to kill anybody during my occasional errands in my own country!) so my poor license was stashed at the bottom of a drawer and eventually completely lost.

After I met my husband, we were both making fun of each other because neither of us had a proper driver’s license. He is the typical New Yorker who uses taxis, trains and the occasional bus around town and I pretty much like to walk everywhere.

Needless to say that since Luca came along, I have been dreaming about these beautiful long road trips we would take over the weekends (traffic? what traffic?...in my dreams there is no such a thing), while my husband is napping in the passenger seat, Luca is happily chewing on his stuffed cow, Floyd and Norah Jones is playing in the background.
I am behind the wheel (Oh Lord!), happily humming the sweet tunes and taking in the beautiful view of the countryside.

Yes, it’s because of this dream that every single week I pick up my little DMV book, ready to study for the test and inevitably…I get bored to death!
Then I start bitching and moaning to my husband on why we never drive anywhere and why HE doesn’t have a driver’s license and blah…blah and this is when he starts making fun of the way I drive the stroller.

Ok, I have to admit that my poor son, Luca, must have motion sickness every time I push him around in his Bugaboo. I am the kind of person who likes to multi-task. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m good at it. I like to talk, eat my protein bar, touch up my lipgloss and occasionally paying attention to where I’m going. So after running over my husband’s feet a few times and crashed into a couple of trees…let’s just say he doesn’t really trust me as a driver.

At the end of the day, I guess we are just a couple of lazy people stuck on public transportation for the rest of our lives…or until we realize that with all the money we waste in taxis we could have own a Lamborghini.

DCP: Don’t be such a goofball like me and study for your license if you don’t have one!

Beauty and the Beast

2007-06-05T18:22:00.000-04:00

I wish they would have told me how bloody painful your first period is after you give birth. I mean, really…what’s all the cramping, backache and mood swings?
I was blessed enough not to have it back right away, but I stopped breastfeeding a few weeks ago…and there it is, on the dot, with a huge grin on his face (yes, my period has a face…so what?...boy I gotta stop the crack!).

I can hear it laughing and saying: “I’m baaaaack! You seriously thought I was gone for good? Ohhh…poor thing!”

(No seriously…what’s wrong with me?)

Anyway, the beast is back and I can’t move or leave the house without a triple dose (yes, enough to kill a horse) of Midol, Ibuprofen, Advil, Motrin, Xanex (I wish) or whatever legal (and illegal) stuff I have around.
Last night I also went off at my husband about a stupid roasted chicken. I was going on and on and on, to the point that I sounded so stupid (even to my own ears), but it was too late to admit it (I am a very proud chick!)… So I had to keep going until I burst into laughter.

Well, let’s look at the bright side: I only have 3 more days to go!

Daily Cool Pill: My grandma always used to give me a shot of strong liquor to kill the pain (yes, us Italians believe in natural remedies!), so I have been on a Tequila diet for the past 24 hours. The occasional shot does the trick, but if you’re looking for a tastier treat...Margaritas is the way to go, girl!

Hasta la vista, baby!

Louder Then Words

2007-06-04T20:30:00.000-04:00

It has been now a few months since my little one started experimenting with his vocal cords…or better, with his high pitched screams. It was cute in the beginning and all we did was admire his opera-singer-like-solos, but after a few days of ear bleedings and strong doses of Tylenol…it just didn’t do it for us anymore.

Considering that we live in a five floor apartment building, where the walls are thinner then paper, I can totally imagine the looks on my neighbors’ faces. Yes, we were the couple with “the screaming baby” or better, the only couple with “a baby” in the whole building. Period.

After the first complaint from the guy upstairs (yes, it’s Manhattan and there are assholes everywhere!...like I’m supposed to explain to a 5 month old how to keep it down!), I honestly and genuinely considered to go around each and every apartment offering earplugs and headache relievers…until I realized I would be broke!

I don’t think it’s out there yet that very special kind of earplug. The one able to block out such a supersonic noise like the one Luca makes when he’s not happy. (Look at the picture and just add 100,000,000 decibels to it…got the idea?).

So after spending the first few weeks worrying sick that somebody would knock at our door and kick us out of the apartment, after suing Luca’s lil' ass for permanently damaging their eardrums…I honestly don’t give a crap anymore!

Now I just enjoy myself when he’s jumping up and down like a little monkey in the Exersaucer or when he drops all his toys on the floor from the highchair.
I wouldn’t be surprised actually if soon the whole building will evacuate because of hurricane Luca and the “real estate police” charge us a billion dollars for lost revenue!

What can I say? All the cries and the screams…are just music to my ears (until I run out of my huge stash of Tylenol in my medicine cabinet!).

Daily Cool Pill: If somebody knocks at your door complaining about the screams and the noise from your little one, just say: "Oh...I'm sorry, but I think I enjoy better my baby's screams then your sex moans! (One long minute of silence...). Oh yes...we heard all about it the other night!" Trust me...it's a winner! No man will ever admit that he hasn't had sex in a very long time and no older lady wouldn't get a kick out of it!

The Daily Bite: Zucchine Campagnole

2007-06-03T23:31:00.001-04:00

June is finally here. Since I was a little girl running around the beaches of the Italian Riviera, summer has always been my favorite. I love the colors, the different smells and the beautiful variety of the fresh food available at the farmers market.
I love the sweet taste of the sun drenched tomatoes, the smell of the fresh basil and the juiciness of a big chunk of watermelon.
My summer memories are mostly related to the end of school and the long days spent at the beach, to the sweet old lady selling fresh doughnuts and rosemary focaccia and the long family dinners “al fresco”.
My big fat cat sleeping her way trough the whole season for being too lazy to move around and my old sweet dog always ready to sneak up some food under the table.

As you already know I want to dedicate the weekend section of this blog to sharing some old great family recipes.

This is a very easy one that I usually make about 2 or 3 times a week…just because I love zucchini so much! I know this is not the typical summer vegetable, since it’s usually available all year long, but I love its earthy and refreshing taste. It’s a great side dish next to any meat or fish.

Servings: 4

Take 4 medium sized zucchini and cut them in half, lengthwise. Then cut them into quarter inch thick half circles.

Heat up 4 or 5 generous tablespoons of olive oil with 4 minced garlic cloves. After a minute or so, add the zucchini, a handful of fresh thyme, salt and pepper and sauté for about 5 minutes or until they are cooked but still crunchy. I usually add a little bit of water so that the oil and the spice blend together.
Once they are on a plate, you can sprinkle some fresh grated pecorino cheese (shown in the picture) or if you prefer a more refreshing taste, they are great with some fresh mint and basil.

Buon appetito!

I am no Cyber Whore

2007-06-02T14:57:00.000-04:00

I really don’t remember what the heck we used to do without the Internet. Did we really use the Yellow Pages every time we were looking for an address? A restaurant? A store? Really?
It seems such a distant memory now, but to think about it I only became “computer happy” in the last few years. I’ve never really been a technology freak, let alone a decent user, so every time I discover or master the smallest task on my Mac…I feel like I discovered America.
You should have seen me playing around with Photoshop and Illustrator, or using my first scanner. Word, Excel, Power Point and all that computer mambo jumbo are slowly becoming clearer to me over the years and I can honestly say out loud, how much I regret cheating my way through computer class back in school.
I have always been a literature, history and foreign languages lover (yeah, you wouldn’t have guessed by the way I write!) and loathed anything remotely technical, including math of course.
So having bluffed my way through school for so many years and noticing that the whole world now revolves around computers…I had to step up and teach myself some of that stuff.
Anyway, the point of this post was….(I swear I had one!)…Isn’t it amazing how nowadays we feel crippled without a computer? We can’t even go on vacation without checking our e-mails or letting everybody know where we are…in case something happens. We feel this enormous need to stay in touch with the world because somehow we think if disaster strikes, we can save the day. What happened to the private time spent with friends and family? To the luxury of not being bothered by your boss or colleagues while you’re away? Well, it’s very simple: Unplug yourself!

DCP: Isn’t it nicer to come back from a vacation relaxed and tan, instead of looking like crap because you feel like you have never left?
Remember, it’s called vacation for a reason so ask your boss and colleagues to respect it!

First Tooth

2007-05-31T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today, like a little person standing up in Luca’s mouth and waiving hello, I saw, or better, felt his first tooth. The little guy has been playing peekaboo for quite a few weeks now, waiting for the right moment to come out and play.
Sometimes I feel so lame telling you guys all this stuff, but I guess when you’re a mom (especially a new one) everything is great news, like: “Hey, my kid pooped a tan today and it was all nasty and green! Good for you”. Or “Hey, little Henry ate the whole jar of carrot baby food, he loves his veggies,,,God he loves his veggies!”….and so on.

I know I will laugh my ass off sometime in the next couple of years reading back all this stuff and thinking: “What the hell was that? Was I on crack?”…but for now, please bare with me! I’m still a new mom and loving every minute of it!

DCP: If your little one likes to chew on your finger to practice with his new little tooth, wear one of those soft finger toot brushes. It will make him happy and at the same time you won’t bleed to death from his bites!

Spring Cleaning

2007-05-30T23:27:00.000-04:00

Today I finally took the bull by the horns (or better…the Manolos by the heel) and decided to clean my closet. It took me exactly 3 hours, which is probably pretty much the time it will take you to run a fucking marathon…go home and take a shower!
I was amazed at how much junk I’m able to accumulate and the tougher part was to decide what to keep and what to get rid of.
I found myself still hanging on to those couple of maternity pieces, the good ones of course, that you’re still trying to wear even though you gave birth ages ago.
The ones that are still flattering your not-so-perfect-post-baby-body and are simply so forgiving that you want to hold on for just a little longer. I spent about half an hour in front of the mirror trying everything on and then realized that there was no way in hell people were not gonna ask me if I’m expecting number dos, dressed like that!
So I sadly packed them away for any future pregnancy.

Then there is the stuff that doesn’t fit you, because…hmm, hmm… you still didn’t lose aaalll the weight and those couple of love handles are still in the way. You do your prayers every day and you’re hoping that somehow the Skinny Goddess will come overnight and suck away all those pounds…you don’t even care if your hips end up looking like a muffin top, you just want to fit in those bloody jeans. After so much pulling and tugging, enough to stop your blood circulation…you finally give up.
So, now you have to decide what to do with this stuff? Thaaat’s another dilemma right there. I hate getting rid of stuff, especially if I paid a lot of money for it and most likely yes…since I have to admit…I AM A FASHION WHORE! There you go…I said it!

I remember the time when I got pregnant and did another “famous” spring cleaning. I piled stuff left and right because I was determined to clean up my act and donate all the skimpy sexy clothes (not that many, I swear!) and buy some more mommy-easy-to-wear-stuff. And that’s when I become addicted to E-Bay! I was hooked. I finally found a way to make a little money back from all my precious stuff. I mean…come on…it’s bad enough that you are getting rid of it, so why not make a little dough to buy some more new stuff…right?
Well…it was getting out of hand and I was almost left with no clothes.

Since then I piled another box of goodies and between you and I…I can’t wait to put my hands on it, or better, my fingers on that computer keyboard and sell the crap out of it.

DCP: I love that little cute number in the photograph, by Rowena Sartin. It is definitely a sexy, yet elegant enough, black dress that you can wear to all your fabulous summer parties. And how can you ever go wrong with black anyway?

Million Dollar Baby

2007-05-29T23:27:00.000-04:00

If you live in a big city like New York, you probably know the prices of real estate. Unless, of course you have been living under a rock or are one of the very lucky ones who inherited a piece of property. If you belong to the first group, well…stay where you are, because that rock is probably the cheapest home you will ever find, and if you belong to the second group…skip this post!
My husband and I have been renting forever and never wanted the headache of even thinking about buying a house. We both come from families where real estate has always been the best and most secure way of investing and saving money, so I thought that one day it would have been logical for us to buy something as well. The only little problem is….everything is so ridiculously expensive!
You either have to be a gazillionaire, marry one or find a little home somewhere in the hoods (read: move to a different state, most likely in the middle of nowhere).

Meanwhile, I’m watching one of those hideous show on the money channel. The one that wants to teach you how to become a millionaire and gives you all the tips and tricks of the trade and of course has the “real” millionaires as guests of honor. I’m staring at the TV with my mouth open like a 5 year old who’s watching Superman for the very first time, trying to catch every bit of advice and I’m thinking…yeah, it sounds so easy! The way Barbara Corcoran, Phil Town (who I think is hot, by the way!) and Loral Langemeier, the today’s guests and financial gurus, are talking, we should all be millionaires in a nanosecond. Sure, a little bit of investing here, a little bit of saving there and…oh…buy a property in the next 6 months. Well, guess what?...it aint that easy dammit!
And while I’m still sitting on my cloud, dreaming on how to make this insane amount of money they just promised me, my husband brings me back to reality. He can see my brain going cuckoo and knows how gullible I am with this stuff. So as usual, I will scream at him for a couple of minutes, then switch off the TV and make myself a Margarita!

DCP: If you can’t afford your million dollar house, it doesn’t mean you can’t dream it! Thank goodness, dreaming is one of the few free things left in life…so might as well enjoy it. The picture you see above is one of my favorite places, because it represents the quintessential NY loft urban living...(God I love all those words together!).

Memorial Day

2007-05-28T22:17:00.000-04:00

I would like to send my heart out to all the families who have their loved ones out in this horrible and interminable war.
May God bless and protect all of you and guide you safely back home.
A heartfelt thank you to all the war veterans who protected this country and risked their lives for the love of it. Without your courage and sacrifices, America wouldn’t be the great nation that it is today.

Thank you.

The Daily Bite: The best Mac and Cheese in the whole wide world

2007-05-27T23:19:00.000-04:00

After talking so much about food in my previous post, I thought this would be a great opportunity to start the food section of this blog. There are hundreds of fantastic recipes that have been in my family for many generations. They are mostly a combination of earthy Italian flavors, mixed with a pinch of rustic ingredients that my grandmother has been passing along through the years. Her country style cooking always reflects her moods and whatever was available in the pantry. That’s how some of the best recipes were born and I will cherish them for life.

This is what I consider some of the best Mac and Cheese, ever. I have to warn you though, this recipe is not for the faint of heart due to the very rich and succulent flavors. There are about 5 different cheeses all combined together with the sweetness of the zucchinis and mushrooms. Paired with a refreshing arugula salad and a nice glass of Chianti can easily satisfy every foodie’s desire.

The dish is called Pasticcio Provenzale and this is how it goes:

You will need about 500 gr. of maccheroncini (it’s a little over a pound). I use the brand Setaro, which I usually buy at the Italian store inside the Chelsea Market here in New York City, but any good brand of pasta will do. A couple of medium sized zucchini, cubed and about 8 oz of white mushrooms, cubed as well.
In a large saucepan, warm up 3 tablespoon of olive oil and 3 garlic cloves, minced. Then add about 2 slices of round pancetta, cubed. Each slice is about half an inch thick. Let it cook for a couple of minutes with the garlic and the olive oil and then add the zucchinis and mushrooms. Add salt, fresh pepper and a pinch of herbs the Provence (this is usually a mix that you can buy already pre-made or you can just use a pinch of fresh thyme with a hint of rosemary). Saute for about five minutes, keeping the veggies nice and crispy. Put aside to rest.
You will need a combination of 4 different kinds of cheeses to mix with the pasta. I usually buy fresh mozzarella (8 oz), Swiss cheese (4 oz), Fontina (4 oz) and Gruyere (4 oz) and cube it all together.
In a big pot, bring to a boil some water to cook the pasta and in the meantime start preparing the besciamella sauce. This is a very delicate white sauce that you will use to mix the veggies and the pasta and to finally top the Pasticcio.

Besciamella Sauce:
5 tablespoons of unsalted butter
½ cup of all-purpose flour
4 cups of whole milk at room temperature
Pinch of grated nutmeg
Salt and white pepper

In a medium size pot melt the 5 tablespoons of butter over medium heat. When it’s completely melted, add the flour and whisk for about 2 minutes until it’s completely smooth. Slowly add the milk, whisking constantly to avoid any lumps. Simmer and whisk until the sauce is thick and creamy. This will take about 8 to 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the seasonings.
Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook for about 5 minutes or half the time suggested on the box.
Preheat the oven at 375˚.
Drain the pasta, reserving a little bit of the water aside and mix it with the veggies. Add half of the besciamella sauce and all the cubed cheeses. I usually add a bit of the boiling water to keep the pasta smooth and just a bit loose. Sprinkle some grated Parmesan cheese (or Pecorino cheese, if you prefer), fresh pepper and put it in a 9”x13” baking dish. Make sure you grease the bottom and the sides of the dish with some butter beforehand. Top with the remaining besciamella sauce and some breadcrumbs, this will create the crunchy crust.
Bake for 25 minutes and then heat from the top for about 5 minutes or until you see a nice golden crust.
Let it sit for about half an hour and…enjoy it!

Buon Appetito!

Chef Boyardee

2007-05-26T22:42:00.001-04:00

The weekend is usually the time when I like to test my cooking skills. I come from a family where food has always been “the” most important thing like…ever. It was always about cooking and eating and then cooking some more and stuffing your face until you were basically unconscious. We all loved to spend time in the kitchen and my earliest memories in life are always food related. My mom never believed in buying prepared stuff, so everything was made from scratch, from the pizza dough to the fresh pasta and honestly, would you expect any different from and Italian family?
Anything available to human kind that is already packaged was never good enough for my mom (grandma and great grandma who started the tradition) and it just didn’t taste the same.
Christmas and Easter turned into this huge food marathon where we would start cooking 2 days before, depending on how many people would be attending. We would be “on a diet” for the whole week so that you’ll have enough space in your stomach to eat the whole country of China and then some more. Then there was the “post-holiday diet” which mostly consisted in eating all the leftovers for about 2 weeks afterward. On each and every single day of these 2 weeks, my mom would always complain that a) we didn’t eat enough and we always look too skinny (God bless her! To the day I could be 200 lbs and still look like I need an IV asap); b) our guests were “amateurs” and didn’t really know the meaning of enjoying a holiday feast; c) she would bitch and moan constantly on how she hates eating leftovers; d)…finally! she would sheepishly admit that she cooked waaaay to much food.
It didn’t really matter though, because the following year she would do it all over again.

So I basically grew up in the kitchen, messing around with food since I was born. You know how normal kids usually play with “play dough?” Well, I didn’t have any of that…I had pizza and pasta dough! I think I made my first tortellino and raviolo when I was about 2 years old…how about that Mario Batali?
I guess it’s just natural to me to keep the family tradition and cook as much as I can. So on the weekends I become Chef Boyardee and cook for Luca an incredible amount of food to be frozen and enjoyed during the week. I buy a whole bunch of organic vegetables, steam them and then pureed them in the food processor. Once they are all creamy and smooth I put them in clean ice trays and then freeze them. It’s unbelievably easy to take 2 or 3 cubes out for lunch or dinner and let him enjoy the freshness of mama’s cooking on the spot.

DCP: Luca’s favorite fruit combination is: banana, papaya and mango. I usually mix them all together and freeze it in the ice cube tray. It’s also a great snack for you, healthy mommy. Mix a couple of cubes in some plain yogurt and you got yourself and instant smoothie. Yummy!

Groove is in the air

2007-05-26T01:15:00.001-04:00

So? How long has it been? Huh? Yes, you heard me…how long has it been since you and your man spent some intimate time together? Well, let’s see…since the birth of the baby, once…maybe twice! There you go. And now you are wondering why you’re stressed, tired and bummed out?
I know, I know this was probably the last thing on your mind in the last few months and come on… let’s be honest, it is sooo much work to finally get the energy to actually “do it”, get the mood going, start undressing and blah, blah, blah. Even if you have the perfect baby who sleeps 13 hours a night and gives you plenty of occasions to get down and dirty, for some strange reason every time you actually try…a million things seem to go wrong. Yes, you heard me…that famous “big sleeper” is now screaming on top of his lungs, it’s like he can hear or feel that you and daddy are doing something not quite right…like maybe making a little brother or sister? Hold on…I’ll go check on him, no wait, you stay…I’ll go. That was it. Now you’ll have to wait another couple of months!

Sometimes you just think of all the work involved and you rather…knit a sweater! No joke. And to think that for us girls it already takes a lot of guts to finally bare our body after procreation. I mean, I know it’s my husband and stuff, but still, I was pretty shy after the whole baby thing. Now I have “folds” around my waist that I’ve never seen before…I look like a fucking Shar pei.
Besides, we are always worried about all the stretching and pulling that went on down there that you can’t help wondering… what does it really feel like for him? Is it like throwing a stone off the Grand Canyon and wait for the echo? And what about us…heelloo? What if you needed a couple of more stitches, but your doc just got tired of staring at your “thingy”? What are you gonna do? Go back and beg for some more?

Well ladies, it’s time to find out. Get your groove back on and practice some lovemaking here. After all, you very well deserve it.
And by the way…let me know how it was. Er…no details please, just a general idea will do, thanks!

DCP: Sexy lacey lingerie usually works on hiding those annoying love handles. Guys are suckers for sexy stuff and it will keep their brain busy on other parts of your body…hopefully!

Give mama back her body

2007-05-24T23:29:00.000-04:00

When I saw supermodel Heidi Klum back on the runway only 12 weeks after she gave birth to her second baby…I thought…pheeeww, this is a joke! If SHE can do it, I CAN DO IT! Come on, how hard can it be? You just need to set aside some time on a daily basis to hit the gym and work your ass off…right? Yeah, I will get my body back in no time and plus going to the gym will give me more energy to deal with the baby…right?
Yes! I could see myself sweating away in those cute gym outfits, my hair neatly pulled back in a ponytail and my IPod blasting the latest dance track.

Well, unfortunately, I was quite wrong and this is pretty much how it went for me:

I decided to join the gym 9 days after Luca was born. I was all pumped up and DETERMINED to lose the weight since I still looked like I was 6 months pregnant and I had to do something about it!
Please note: Most likely you are still a wreck from the whole birth experience, the new baby and the sleep deprivation that your body is not really ready to exercise, but of course, I didn’t give a crap…remember?...Heidi did it!
A few days later I went for the first time. I started slowly, so that my body would get used to it (big fat lie!). A nice speed walk should do the trick (after 15 minutes I almost puked my guts out) and plus “they” (the experts in my mind) say that technically you’re not supposed to exercise until your doc gives you the ok at the 6 weeks postpartum check-up (for God sake you had a baby, not open heart surgery).
After the shock of the first day, I needed some time off to recuperate and went back in mid November. Well…you know, it was my birthday and then one thing or the other, my ass wouldn’t move from the couch…seriously!

Then it was the Holiday Season…and honestly, what’s the point of exercising if you gonna stuff your face for the next month anyway? I PROMISE I will go back in January and really work hard. Yes, it will be my New Year Resolution!

Before I knew it, January was here and so was the end of my maternity leave. I decided to go back to work part-time so that I will still have the time to take care of Luca and do all the other things…like…exercise! Well, kind of.
Bottom line is…when you have a baby, everything that you used to do in a nanosecond before, now takes you about a day or two!
So, here I am, 7 months after I gave birth and finally getting back slooowwwwly to my original size. I almost want to have another baby right away so that I can use the “I’m pregnant again” out-of-jail-card!
Hmmm…not such a bad idea!

DCP: If you’re still working on getting back your fabulous body, remember, knowing how to dress is all you need to know. Learn how to hide the post-pregnancy love handles and you are all set! Curves are beautiful and even if you are not used to them the right wardrobe will make you look and feel like a million bucks. You are and always will be the hottest mama on the block!

City Babe

2007-05-23T22:05:00.000-04:00

New York City: The city that never sleeps. Here there is always something to do and for some reason there are always people on the street doing some kind of crazy shit. It’s the Big Apple, the place where people come to get their daily dose of stress and hope to make the big bucks. It is also one of the most beautiful cities in the whole wide world, especially on a holiday weekend when everybody is out of town and you can finally walk the streets without being pushed left and right.
There are 8 million people living here, 2 million dogs (I’m not kidding) and God only knows how many Bugaboos per block. The real estate prices are through the roof in this tiny strip of land, but yet nobody seems to mind…and if you do, well then you can just cross the tunnel and move to New Jersey.

People talk a lot here, mostly on their cell phones or to themselves. And if they’re not busy doing one of the other, they loooove to talk to you. Inevitably, every time I’m taking Luca for a walk around the city, I always come back home with a handful of advice, suggestions and of course criticisms. If I’m crossing a street, there is always the sweet old lady who tells me I’m too far out with the stroller and my baby and I can get killed by a crazy driver. Or if we are at the park, there is always somebody telling me to put a hat on Luca’s head…even if there is no sun in sight. God forbid Luca is crying, then I will have to hear a string of: “I think you should feed him, he definitely looks hungry. He needs to burp, yes, he definitely needs to burp or oh, poor thing, I think you should hold him, yes, yeees little one you want to be held don’t you?” and so on.
It makes me laugh, because most of the time all this happens right after Luca just ate a whole cow, burped like a caveman and he’s just crying because he farted in his pants and knocked himself in the head with his favorite toy!

I LOVE NEW YORK!

DCP: Next time another obnoxious individual is trying to teach you how to be a mommy, keep your cool and politely tell them to go away! You can explain to them that your baby is crying because he doesn’t like strangers and he’s scared of unfamiliar faces. Unfortunately though, this won’t protect you from people coming up to you again, but it will, if you happen to meet the same people again. Trust me, they’ll remember you!

Boys Rule

2007-05-22T23:10:00.000-04:00

A year ago today I found out that I was having a boy! I had an appointment at the hospital for the Anatomy scan, where they measure your baby’s bone lengths, check the vital organs and tell you the sex if you want. I know you’re probably thinking: “Who the fuck cares lady!”, but for me it was a complete shock! Every single bloody person I knew (besides a couple of my work colleagues) told me that I was having a girl and I was in heaven because I did want a little girl. I’m such a “girly girl” that to me was absolutely obvious that God would only pair me with a “mini me”. To make things worse, my mom calls me one Sunday afternoon to tell me that she had a dream about my little girl. Now…how can you go wrong with your mama’s dream, right? Don’t forget that I’m Italian, born and raised and for us every dream is a premonition…or whatever that means. I guess that was not the case.
My jaw dropped to the floor when the ultrasound technician told me that I was expecting a boy. I bluntly asked: “ A whaaat?” and obviously I felt really bad when my husband was ecstatic while I kept asking to double check if she was right.
That was it…all my dreams of playing dress up dolls, cooking lessons with mommy and shopping galore were all out the window. I had no idea on how to raise a boy. What the hell do they do all day? Do I have to play tracks, robots and dinosaurs with him? Soccer and basketball? What about my nails and my clothes? I hate mud on my shoes! All I could think of was this pimply, scruffy teenager walking around the house doing absolutely nothing but scratching his balls.

Well, the good thing is that now I love that little boy more then anything and I will cherish every single minute of his life.

DCP: If you wanted a little girl so bad…don’t forget you can try next time. If that’s not the case, look at the bright side: A boy will always love and take care of his mommy!
Put on jeans and a t-shirt and get down and dirty on the playground with your little man. Don’t be afraid of being a thumb boy once in a while, it will definitely keep you in shape and you can always hit the nail salon later.

Postpartum Blues

2007-05-21T23:25:00.000-04:00

Now that your baby is here safe and sound and breastfeeding seems to be the only obstacle to perfect motherhood, there is one little bump on the way that may or may not affect you…the famous “baby blues”. I have heard so much about it that I was determined to avoid it at all costs. I kept thinking: “Oh…I’m not worried about it, I’m a fairly happy person…why should I get depressed?” Well, unfortunately it’s not that simple since it’s something that you can’t control. Your hormones are going nuts trying to produce milk and slowly get back to their natural level, but unfortunately between the recovery and dealing with your newborn you will eventually shed a few tears.

I remember crying for absolutely nothing in particular or scream at my husband for no reason at all. I think I heard him a few times during his sleep praying to the “Gods of Motherhood” to please give him back his wife! Sometimes I used to stare at Luca and say to myself: “Please don’t grow up so fast, you are so cute and tiny right now…I want you to stay like this forever….sigh…sigh”. Or I would watch TV and out of nowhere I would run to the bathroom and weep for like 20 minutes. Huh? Yes, if I think about it right now it makes me laugh…but back then I didn’t know any better.
And forget about watching Oprah, Dr. Phil or any of the baby shows on the Health Discovery Channel (yes, even after the birth of my baby I was still watching every single one of them…er…I still do actually)…I was a mess!

Then after about 2 weeks everything went back to normal. The bitchiness mellowed down and the constant urge to cry disappeared. I started going to the gym here and there to let out some stress or I would take long walks with Luca. I knew that I was ok when my husband and I started laughing again and I’m sure he was happy to wave goodbye to the “Jerry Springer nutcase” who possessed his wife for 15 long days.

DCP: The best therapy for postpartum depression is…shopping! It worked for me and kept my mind busy from the emotional rollercoaster I was going through. Plus it gives you a reason to loose the baby weight a little faster. So, before you buy a copy of Brooke Shield’s book and get even more depressed…get out there and have fun!

What's going on down there?

2007-05-20T23:16:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well…I finally did it. I’m a MOM! The incredible rush you feel as soon as your baby is born is absolutely amazing and at that moment you feel like you are invincible. For some strange reason nothing matters anymore. Those incredibly long 9 months of anticipation, the nights that you spent staring at the ceiling wondering how on earth you’re going to take care of a little human being and the anxiety of labor it’s all a distant blur now.

The moment the nurse handed me Luca, I knew that was it. I was now responsible for this little person for the rest of mine and his life….or at least until he’s 18 years old! I was still shaking from the epidural and all my hormones were going bananas…so all I did was weep!
He looked so beautiful and peaceful while he was taking a little nap and I was so busy admiring him that I totally forgot what was going on down below.
I forgot that now I had to give birth to the second baby (the placenta) and the doc was all busy squeezing and pushing my belly around.
Yuuck! That looked really nasty. It was just a blob of organs and blood, but the doc and the nurses were touching it and playing with it. Weirdos!

While my husband was quietly staring at his new son, I was just laying there exhausted, watching all the stuff that was going on down there. My legs were still spread opened and all I could see was the doc wiping the blood, squirting water and sewing, sewing and sewing. She told me that while pushing Luca out I ripped (yes, you got it right…r.i.p.p.e.d) and I needed some stitches. She was down there for the longest time though, to the point that I almost thought she was making a bloody dress!
I was thinking: This is it, my sex life is out the window and I will probably have the Grand Canyon down there after pushing out a 7 pounds 7 ounces baby. Please, please, please make sure you tight her up the way she was!
Needless to say that as soon as the anesthesia wore off I felt like they poured a whole bottle of disinfecting alcohol down there and I was incredibly sore. Peeing was almost an impossible task and it would take me about 30 minutes to just go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and finally have the guts to do it slooowwly.
Let’s not even talk about “number 2”. It’s like pushing a whole new baby out…good luck with that one!

So this was my labor! Not too bad huh? But then again, I have heard that I was one of the “really” lucky one so please don’t rely on my experience.
No matter how painful it is, you will forget it and do it all over in a heartbeat…I guarantee you!

DCP: Ditch that nasty hospital gown for your own beautiful one, darling! It’s ok to wear the ugly one during labor, but as soon as you’re done and you freshened up a bit, wear something nice. After all you just accomplished one of the biggest thing in your life, you should be proud of it and why not….feel good about it!
Show the doctors and your visitors that yes, you are a mommy now and you still have your sense of style. Always!

...aaand puuush...(final act)

2007-05-19T16:14:00.000-04:00

So here I am, laying down on my hospital bed waiting for the big ones. I had pretty mild contractions throughout all day and I knew this wasn’t it. My doctor was off on that day, but her office partner was in and that reassured me, since I had already met her before.
She came in to check how dilated I was and told me that I was only 2cm. I thought…greeeat! This kid is not coming out any time soon! She then started me on a dose of Pitocin (synthetic drug similar to the oxytocin produced by our body) to speed up my contractions since the baby’s heart beat was slowing down. Craap! All I remembered from my childbirth prep class was that Pitocin increases the intensity and frequency of your contractions (just my luck…so now I get to experiment labor in 3D!) so I wasn’t very thrilled about amplifying any possible pain.

Off we go with the Pitocin in my veins and exactly 15 minutes later I get what resembled the strongest period cramp I have ever experienced…still manageable though. Ok…that wasn’t too bad!
After chit-chatting with my mom and my husband, I thought I’ll do some reading to keep myself up to date with the newest trends. After flicking through a few pages of my bible (Vogue)….here we go again. This was a bit stronger and a tiny bit shorter then the previous one. Still good though.
La, la, la…I’m thinking…yeah..I can totally do this! Aaaaaaand here we go again! Ok, this was more painful….now what? I can’t ask for an epidural, it’s too soon and I’m gonna look like a wimp! Come on girl, you can do it!
“Joooonathaaan (my poor and super patient husband) get me some ice, no I want sugar….and another pillow ..right nooow!”
By now I was huffing and puffing like a locomotive and I’m thinking that it can’t be worse then this…right?
Oh no! It will get much worse then this!

Long story short, I lasted until I was over 6cm dilated and at around 10 pm I gave in and asked for an epidural. Funny enough, I was actually more scared of the needle in my back then the contractions…but believe me, if you are scared of needles as much as I am, that little prick is nothing compared to the explosion of your uterus!

20 minutes after the epidural: Huuuh?! I loooove this! I want to have 10 more kids….wooooow! …the power of drugs!
I was basically in Wonderland and I even felt like dozing off for a quick nap. The doc told me that probably now my labor will slow down because of the effect of the epidural, so most likely the baby won’t come out until the morning.
I couldn’t care less to tell you the truth! I was happy and that was all it mattered.
I even asked my husband to take my mom home so she could rest and come back in the morning.
Zzzzzzzzzz……Zzzzzzzzzzzz……Zzzzzzzzz…..
Huhh? What the hell was that? I woke up at around 11.30pm with an incredible pressure down below, like I was going to take the biggest crap of my life! (pardon my French!). My husband wasn’t back yet and it was just me and the nurse so I tried to explain to her my little problem and nonchalantly she told me: “That’s ok dear, you are probably ready to push the baby out!”.
Whaaaaat? Right now? I can’t…my hubby is not here…no right nooow.
Two seconds later Jonathan comes in and the nurse gives him the good news. Then my doc comes in to check me and tells me that, yes, believe it or not I am 10cm dilated…which means..tataaaaaa…I’m having a baby!
She informs me on how fast my body is responding, which is a good thing I guess and starts preparing the table, her big plastic uniform and a huge pair of clear sunglasses (to avoid that anything will squirt or splash on her face!).

Meanwhile, I’m freaking out because the moment of truth is fast approaching. No, not the baby, but the fear of pooping on the table while you’re pushing your guts out. Yes, every book I read said the same horrible truth…YOU WILL POOP ON THE TABLE!
So I was obviously terrified and tried to meditate and relax…but that made me want to poop even more!
Here we goooo……aaaaand puuuush! Of course the poop did come out and I just turned purple for a few seconds, but the nurse must see this every single day because she scooped it out faster then it came out!
At 1.01am on October 14th, 2006 after only 3 sets of pushes and only 7 hours of labor my little bundle of joy was born…and he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

DCP: When you are starting to push and you’re scared to death about the poopy accident…don’t worry, it’s natural. I’m sure even Angelina Jolie and Katie Holmes had to deal with it….although they probably hired a special and super fast pooper-scooper so nobody would ever know! You can use the same little trick I used: When you notice that the poop is coming out (and trust me, it’s really hard because you are totally numb down there but you can tell by the wrinkly faces of the people around you!) just turn to your hubby and say: “Honey, I told you that I was allergic to all that spicy Mexican food!” and just keep going like nothing ever happened. Oh…one more thing…you definitely want to keep the area down below nice and shaved, because a lot of people will be looking at it!

...aaand puuush...(part 2)

2007-05-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

My due date was Friday, October 13th 2006. This was enough to make me wanna fly out the window and I’m not even superstitious. The last week of my pregnancy I was literally the size of a hippo and having survived the long hot summer, I was gonna give birth in the middle of the street if I had to. My doctor suggested that if I wanted to “speed things up” there are 2 things I could try: Sex and spicy food. The first was literally and physically impossible, since my husband needed to be a magician to try and move me around or climb on top of me. So we opted for the spicy food and for the whole bloody week I ate curry for dinner.
Funny enough, my water broke around 2 pm on my due date in a Mexican restaurant while my husband, my mom, who was visiting from Italy, and I, were having lunch. I’m not kidding! It was like a scene out of a movie. After paying the bill, we were ready to go and the moment I lifted my big fat pregnant ass off the chair, I felt the Hudson River in between my legs. I quietly whispered into my husband’s ear to keep going since I didn’t want to attract any more attention then I already did. He didn’t quite understand what was going on and kept asking: “What? What?” when I finally screamed:” This is what!” pointing down to my soaked cargo pants.

For some reason I was surprisingly calm. We were just a couple of blocks away from home but we hailed a taxi because I really didn’t feel like walking with my legs wide open and scare everybody on the street. They probably thought I was this poor crazy pregnant lady who escaped a mental institute and was riding her way to the hospital on an imaginary horse. I also would like to take a moment to thank and apologize to the yellow taxi driver for leaving some amniotic fluid on the back of the seat and on the carpet of his taxi…sorry sir, I swear I didn’t do it on purpose!

When we got home, my husband and my mom were running around in circle like show dogs while I was calmly on the phone with my colleagues.
A couple of hours later we left for the hospital and the moment I entered the Triage Room it finally hit me that somehow I was going to have a BABY! This is the first room you stop when you get to the hospital where they kinda of wanna see if you’re really in labor…(yeah like you gonna fake something like that!). It’s very common during pregnancy to get Braxton Hicks contractions (fake ones!) and sometimes are really painful to make you believe that you are in labor. After I filled in all the check-in papers and I was quietly sitting around, I heard the loudest screams and moans of a laboring woman. I looked at my husband and my mom and then stood up getting ready to leave! It sounded like she was being tortured by some crazy doctor who was trying to cut off her arms and legs…without anesthesia. Well that, ladies and gentlemen was LABOR and I just wanted to poop in my pants (actually more of the pooping part later!).

A few minutes later a nurse came to get me and escorted me to a big room with about 10 different beds. There they asked me to pee in a cup and bombarded me with a thousand questions like….Why was I there? - Huh?! Are you fucking kidding me? - And what made me think that I was in labor? Was I abused or subjected to domestic violence?
I didn’t have strong contractions yet, so for them I could have been another big fat liar or just another silly pregnant woman.
Once they realized that I was indeed in labor, they stuck an IV in my arm and wheeled me into a private room.
Around 6pm the real shit (I mean…the painful contractions) begun…

To be continued…

DCP: When you get ready to go to the hospital, make sure you wear something cool (of course) and comfortable. You really don’t know how many hours you can be stuck there (that’s the comfortable part) and also you will meet a lot of different people in the waiting room, so you definitely want to look presentable. I wore my cute black Adidas pants with hot pink stripes, a black top and my beloved Puma sneakers in case they sent me out for a walk. Remember, no matter what life throws at you, you always want to be properly dressed!

...aaand puuush...(part 1)

2007-05-17T22:33:00.000-04:00

It has been already 7 whole months and 3 days to be exact, since the birth of Luca and you can call me crazy, but I really miss being pregnant! I knooow, I'm not crazy and I think I got all my brain cells back, more or less, but it was just a magical time, full of excitement and anticipation. That's why I want to share with you the exciting story of my labor...in details...yuppyyy!

Since the very moment I found out that I was pregnant, there was always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that scared the bejesus out of me....LABOR. Such a simple word but yet so powerful to make you feel helpless and...nauseous. You have read every single book out there, you took your intensive childbirth preparation class and you have watched every single show on the Health Discovery Channel, including repeats. You are scared to death and can't really understand how something the size of an elephant can make it's way out through such a tiny hole. And you are fucking tired of hearing people saying: "Don't worry darling, women have been giving birth forever...everybody does it...it's natural!" How can it be natural? Are you on crack? Your vagina will fucking explode! And then you realize that the people saying that are usually men (suckers!) or women with no kids.
I wanted to hear some real stories or at least I was dreaming of somebody telling me that there was no pain involved and your baby will just slip out, yes, like a suppository. But unfortunately I was wrong. Almost every woman who decided to share their horror stories didn’t spare me any details. I was convinced that I wouldn’t survive labor without being in excruciating pain for at least 20 hours, 2 epidurals and every single drug natural or synthetic available to human kind. But I guess I was one of the lucky one.

To be continued...

DCP: Never show any signs of despair when other people want to share their horror stories with you. Always keep your posture, be very positive and apply some more lipgloss while they are talking. Trust me…it will make them crumble! You can always cry at home later!

Swing Baby Swing

2007-05-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

I've always dreamt about spending a nice and quiet afternoon at the park, with Luca happily sitting in his stroller, chewing on his favourite toy. In my dream I'm either reading a book or writing on my journal, while there are happy little kids running around....well obviously that dream didn't take place in a New York City park and definitely the baby in the stroller wasn't my son Luca.
So far it's always been pretty much like this: get there early enough to grab a sit in the shade, before all the nannies in the neighborhood take over...I mean...really take over, to the point that you can't even stand in the shade because you are in their way! (can you believe that shit?!)
This barely happens because don't forget that now you have a baby, so getting to places early is totally out of the question. So, when you finally get there and find a little spot after you have passed the attentive scrutinies of all them (because you actually are one of the few mom with their baby in the middle of Nanny-galore!) and zig-zagged your way through Bugabooland, you are completely exhausted! Now the fun begins.....
At first Luca is happily looking around, smiling and making funny noises. Then the "fidgeting" motion starts where you know he wants to get out of the stroller (with all the bloody money we spent on the Bugaboo I was hoping he wanted to spend the rest of his life in it!.....they even tell you it's like the Cadillac of strollers! Bollocks!...great sale pitch though...), but you're still hoping that something else will distract him. Nope! So here we are, off to the swings. Now make sure you really try to last as long as you can at the swings, because this is really all you've got at the park for a 7 months old! Well...let's not forget all the gossiping around with all the other mommies, if there are any. Ohhh...I could really get down and dirty with some serious NYC gossips, but I won't do that.....not because I'm a prude, simply because I won't have enough bloody megabites available on this blog! I promise though to tell the best ones here and there.

After I took about 3 trips back and forth to the swings, feed Luca a little snack and every ounce of milk I had brought with me, I realize it's time to go home. So much for a day at the park huh? All it matters though is that Luca is happy and quite exhausted at the same time and before I know it, he will be too running around with everybody else....I just hope not too soon.

Quick note for you, my dear readers: at the end of each post you will find a “Daily Cool Pill”. This is a quick fix from an “ex cool gal” who is now a “yummy mommy”!

Daily Cool Pill (DCP): If it’s a hot day and you’re planning to spend a few hours at the park, try this quick and easy style to keep your hair neat while you’re playing around with your little munchkin. Tilt your head down and brush your hair from back to front. Come back up and secure it in a ponytail, pulling tight the sides and leaving the top a little loose and higher to form kinda of a Mohawk. Just a little hairspray on top will keep your hair together. If your hair is in a bob and too short for a ponytail, just gather the front section of your hair and secure it back with a couple of pins, leaving it a little loose on top.

Time goes by....and I ain't no spring chicken anymore...

2007-05-15T21:39:00.000-04:00

Yes, my friend, time goes by and before you know it your little one is off to college. Luca turned 7 months yesterday and I'm already having nightmares about him growing up, being a goofy teenager with a husky voice and the few facial hair that he will refer as cool mustaches. Aaaarrgghhh! I know why I wanted a girl in the first place! Not that they are any easier...but at least I know what to expect. In a way I'm kind of relieved because I know daddy will have to do most of the work...like the "becoming a man talk" and the "sex talk" which scares the crap out of me!!

Meanwhile...time goes by and if we don't start talking about "baby number 2" I will probably have no eggs left or probably realize too late that the few I had are now all rotten!
Yes, you start doing the math and wonder what the hell happened to the last 10 years? Hold on, you got married at 27, changed your job at 28, twice, then at the big 30 you realized that this was the last shot at finding a job you at least enjoyed. At 31 you decided to party a little more....same for your 32nd birthday. Then at 33 the big decision...out of the blue...."Honey, let's have a baby!". You knew you always wanted a little one running around, but it was never the right time.....well there you go...one shot was all it took!
I still remember the look into my husband's eyes that Sunday morning when I came out of the bathroom holding the pregnancy test with a big blue plus sign on. His ego was like: "You're the maaan! Good job guys!"...but his mind was like: "Shit! No way. That fast? I gotta put my shit together. I gotta make more money. Is my wife gonna get fat? Does that mean no more sex? Ooohhh...I wonder if it's a boy or a girl?".
And here we are...15 months later from that day and still wondering what hit us!

First Mother’s Day

2007-05-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

So this is it...your first Mother’s Day! You finally realize that your whole youth went down the drain and now you have a little bundle of joy to care for. He looks at you, you look at him trying to anticipate his next cry…hold on…Did I change his diaper? Did I feed him? Did he burp? Where’s my glass of wine?...er...yes you do need one of those once in while!
Today is your day Mommy! The day you always thought was dedicated to your Mom or the older lady next door with 3 kids and 7 nieces and nephews. Yes, this is the day where Daddy is in charge, even though he looks miserable with season allergies and a fussy 6 months old in his arms. This is the day your hubby takes you out for brunch where everybody else’s and their mother is having brunch. The day where you spend time prepping up your little labour of love for people to admire, choosing the cutest little clothes and spiking up the few little hair on top of his head with that special organic baby pomade. And even though you look younger (a lot younger… hehe!) then all the other mommies in the room…it’s finally hitting you that your life is over! But don’t worry...it’s not over, you just have to say good-bye to the long nights out with your friends, the time alone with your husband, the last minute vacations and anything spontaneous you have ever done before. Now everything takes planning, even the usual boring trip to the supermarket needs at least half an hour of prep work. The “Carpe Diem” motto is a distant memory now!

To think that just a couple of years ago you used to be so cool. Your closet was filled with sexy tops and tight jeans and everybody used to call you to find out the latest hangouts. Then pregnancy hit and the sexy tops became oversized grandma hand me downs with matching nursing bras, the tight jeans became big comfy drawstring pants and the coolest place you’ve been lately was Jamba Juice for a refreshing strawberry smoothie that so much resembles your old Daiquiri, minus the best ingredient of course.
So, to all the mommies that like me love motherhood but still want to celebrate everything life has to offer…after all life doesn’t stop because you have a baby…join me to celebrate our daily struggle to stay cool. Let’s show the world that you can still be fashionable with your ballerina flats, instead of your stilettos and that you’re still able to stay awake past midnight on your girl’s night out. Remember, no matter how old you are, you’re still young and beautiful…the only difference is that you have to buy some more hair products!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!